Why many millennials are trapped in generational purgatory

When looking at the social construct the majority of Pakistanis live within, one notices the eternal battle between generations is quite complicated; seemingly leading younger generations to lead dual lives. A number of Pakistanis both within the country and abroad are living this reality. It is fueled by guilt — a desire not to disappoint those who raised them — and an element of fear. The fears include being ostracized, losing inheritance or causing the family “shame.” A setup where millennials are financially dependent on their families means honesty is not a risk many are willing or able to take. The flip side is the inability of the baby boomers to be flexible. This intransigence may be due to their own experiences and struggles. The combination of these factors has created a rift between the two, and consequently millennials are caught in an intense identity crisis of the mind and soul. With the younger generations attempting to cast off the teachings and way of life passed down to them, be it religious or cultural, yet harboring a desire to please their elders, they are living in a form of purgatory.

My question is how did we reach this point and how do we assess the validity of these claims? Firstly, there are differences in psychology and attitudes between the generations. Research suggests the perspective of baby boomers on work is as a career, putting work-life first, whereas generation Xers view work as a job — the first generation to value a work-life balance. Time magazine referred to them as the “me, me, me generation” because they want it all. Secondly, baby boomers’ attitude toward authority, policies and procedures is to be impressed and protective, whereas generation Xers are unfazed and mistrustful. 

Jean Twenge’s book “Generation Me,” which is based on decades of psychological data, states: “Depression, loneliness and panic attacks are all significantly more characteristic of today’s 20-somethings than of preceding generations at the same age,” due to the pressure to be successful, get married and buy a house. 

Taking this further, one should look at the role of religion in communities to understand the gaps between the generations. It is imperative to bear this in mind, as the majority of baby boomer culture and rules are based around religion. For millennials, it seems being fed the narrative alone has not been enough, and not experiencing the struggles of life in the intensity required created a culture where their parents protected and shielded them. This is commendable and is what any loving parent does. However, the risk is that over-protection makes an individual less prepared for the challenges the world presents. 

Pre-1970s, people lived through partition, losing family and livelihoods, worked their whole life without owning property, and suffered health issues. That generation of Pakistanis witnessed the country being respected, having integrity, and its systems being robust, to going through wars and seeing Pakistan’s gradual decline. Yet, interestingly, few rejected religion, culture or history during that period, with those who experienced the struggle rarely seeking to shift blame. If anything, they found solace in religion and culture. However, those born from the 1980s onwards seem to have little belief as, at the slightest hurdle, they reject and blame all they were taught, creating a bigger gap between the generations.

So why in the 21^st century do trials and tribulations get blamed on things that once shaped our upbringing and our elders? These elders now realize that their shielding has left later generations vulnerable and weak. Unlike them, younger generations look for where to shift responsibility, not realizing it is up to them to create the life they want.

Identity has been lost because millennials are unable to set real boundaries. Is financial and emotional dependence, overexposure to information, or “Westernization” the cause? It’s easy to blame others as it takes away responsibility. However, this purgatory is an internal battle due to a lack of exposure and family control whilst growing up. As adults, individuals are toiling with the idea of finding their own path, yet are grappling to balance old with new. They do not turn to cultural or religious texts to find guidance, and do not or are unable to speak to their elders. History and hindsight are dismissed, as they are deemed irrelevant to modern times, inexorably leading to feelings of helplessness. And, unlike previously, when one had to “just get on with it,” the 21^st century seems to pander to these inabilities. 

The ones succeeding are those who suffered, tragedy pushing them forward. They are not victims of circumstances as their identities are anchored, be it in history, family, society, academia, or culture. They do not follow, but realize they need to know who they are in order to find their way.

• Maha Makhdum is a British Pakistani, hosted Pakistan's only English morning show for five years which catered for the national and international audience. She is a freelance journalist, activist, and analyst working on all, but focusing on challenges women and minorities face in the developing and developed world. Her work promotes dialogue and understanding of social and cultural issues.