Contrary to tradition, it is British fathers, not mothers, who prefer to spend more time with their children. Fathers are also willing to sacrifice their careers and financial benefits for the sake of their families and children. Mothers, on the other hand, derive more pleasure from their careers than from looking after children. These are the findings of a recent study conducted by a British institute for market research.
The study, “The Style of British Family Life and Its Impact on Work In the 21st Century”, found that 25 percent of fathers (against 18 percent of mothers) in Britain stay away from their office or work place in order to spend more time with the family.
According to the director of the research institute, the most common family type in Britain a quarter of a century ago consisting of father, mother and children is gradually disappearing. Single-parent families have grown by seven percent in the same period. Only 12 percent of newly-married couples want to live together to build jointly a family with children. The study also revealed that while 25 percent of nonworking women, presently bringing up their children under five, would like to be employed instead of remaining at home.
The study showed that 50 percent of men and women with children stressed the need for insuring their future before starting to raise the children while 20 percent believed that it was better to have children early in life instead of waiting until a later stage.
Commenting on the findings of the study, the director of the program called for amendments to the country’s employment regulations which would facilitate men in taking work leave so they can play a more important role in bringing up their children.
Cherie Blair, the wife of British Prime Minister Tony Blair, agrees with the demand for “paternity leave.” Her desire for her husband to take paternity leave sparked a controversy in the British media some time ago. Blair was willing to sacrifice some of his time for the sake of his family though he would not keep completely away from government affairs as a Finnish prime minister had earlier done.
I cannot blame a man marrying a second wife if his first one is unable to bear children. At the same time, he should marry for the second time only after all possible medical efforts to make the first wife fertile have failed. I know several men who prefer to live with their beloved wives despite their inability to have children.
This was the topic of Wafa’s two letters. She was divorced on grounds of infertility without any attempt to remedy the problem. She was married at 25 and her husband was 32. She looked forward to a life of love and stability. Soon after the marriage, Wafa became very upset when she, with a science degree from a local university, discovered that her husband was a relatively uneducated man though he had said earlier that he was a secondary school graduate. She did not complain and two years later, when she had not conceived, her husband took her to a doctor who found that there was a blockage in the fallopian tube that could be surgically corrected. Surprisingly as soon as her husband learned of her problem, he declared his intention to marry another woman who could bear children. When Wafa objected and asked him to take her to a specialist, he refused and divorced her. She then learned that he had been looking for a second wife even before he found out about her problem. In her letter she sought advice as to what she could do in these very depressing circumstances.
It is evident from the beginning that her former husband is a liar, a coward and a fraud. Why else should he pretend to be a secondary school graduate? Their marriage was on a weak foundation from the very beginning. She should not grieve over the end of a marriage with such a man who is apparently incapable of reciprocating love and affection. If he had the least consideration for her, he would have taken her to a specialist and agreed to the surgery. Or she should have arranged for the surgery with the help of her relatives.
She should thank God for revealing her husband’s ugly character and saving her from him. Let us hope that God will provide her with another loving and kinder husband. In the meantime, she should have the operation and be physically ready to become a mother.
The old practice of knitting by women who want to forget their worries and anxieties has returned to fashionable salons after a disappearance lasting decades. Several world-famous stars have lately found it an easy way to escape from the monotony of their lives which make them feel like goldfish in a bowl.
Further, a recent report in The Sunday Express said superstars such as Demi Moore and Cameron Diaz had discovered the therapeutic value of knitting that was actually invented by their grannies long time ago. Several actresses attend every night the knitting sessions in Los Angeles engaging in gossips in front of a large globe of wool.
Such sessions are increasingly becoming popular and spreading to all parts of the country. For instance, Daryl Hanna, Julian Moore and Laurie Metcalfe resort to knitting in order to dispel the monotony of their work at the film shooting locations in the heart of the film city.
The contagion has spread to the British studios as well. Kate Winslet was found knitting while she was undergoing the lengthy process of her make up for The Titanic. Cherie Blair also was knitting while waiting for the completion of her installation procedure as the honorary chief editor of the Prima magazine in 1996.
Several actresses have found the hobby as greatly helpful to spend the time waiting between the shots in a film. This hobby carries a message for not only the Arab film stars but also housewives as well.
Young Zahia’s husband was sent to Paris on business for his company. Though it was for only three months, Zahia felt that it would never end. She counted the days until his return. For some reason, however, he did not return at the end of three months — nor even after four or five. Telephone calls and letters did little to lessen the pains of separation. Her only consolation was her baby.
She wrote: “As the months passed, some doubts crept into my mind. Why doesn’t he come back? Is it because of another woman? He would not agree to take me to Paris. My worst fears were confirmed when one day a French woman answered my call. Before the telephone was hung up, I heard angry voices as though from the far end of a room. I tried several times to resume the conversation but nobody answered the phone. I tried all night but there was no answer.
“I was thrown into a state of agony and jealousy. Is that woman the reason why he is not here? Doubts racked me. I could not sleep that night or the next ones. I tried again and again to contact him but there was no response. The telephone went on ringing as if he had abandoned the house. The reply I got when I asked for him at his Paris office was that he had not been to the office for several days. All my attempts to locate and talk to him failed. This continued for eight days. I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown and finally, I decided to go to Paris and find out exactly what was going on.
“On the ninth day, my phone rang. It was my husband. Instead of expressing relief at hearing his voice, I accused him of unfaithfulness and a lack of concern for me and the baby. He listened patiently to my accusations. When I had finished, he said he had been admitted to hospital for food poisoning the day I had called and that he was calling me to let me know he was out of hospital. When I heard he would be returning the next day, I was delighted and all my doubts fled. I began to prepare for him as though we were going to have a second honeymoon.
“When he arrived I was shocked to see the changes. He looked very ill, thin and pale. He said there was nothing to worry about, that it was the effect of the food poisoning. He did not seem to care about our baby; sometimes he spoke in ways that I could not understand. After a few days he improved a little but was still in a foul mood. Whenever I asked him to see a doctor, he refused. Though he returned to his office, he was never his old self again. I suspected that while he was away, he might have contracted a certain well-publicized but incurable disease. I began to fear for my health and that of my child. Whenever I attempted to discuss the problem, he signaled me to be silent.”
Now Zahia wants me to advise her on a course of action.
I replied to her that her wild imagination had caused her to draw some far-fetched conclusions. The disease she referred to could not appear in so short a time. I suggested that his present state might be due to withdrawal symptoms from drug addiction. Or it could possibly be another disease. The best course of action is to make him see a doctor. If he refuses, tell some of his close relatives to force him to.