Reem, who turned 17 last month, complains that she is presently under heavy pressure from her parents to marry a rich man she does not like. She is an intelligent student who dreams of being a doctor. She fears that the suitor will shatter her dreams by making her a virtual prisoner in his home. On the other hand, everyone in her family is keen to have him for an in-law. Dismissing her opposition to the marriage as stupid, they suggested that she meet him and discover his admirable qualifications — particularly how rich and generous he is.
In a long letter to me she wrote: “He has been sending me expensive gifts and my parents say this shows how generous he is. I can see through his gifts. He is attempting to cover up his unpleasant qualities — such as being overweight and unable to communicate freely with people. He looks like a mountain of flesh with a small head on top. He gasps for air after every word he utters and pants like a dog after every step. Our air-conditioners cannot stop his profuse sweating when he visits us. He has no self-confidence. Always decision are made on his behalf by his mother and sisters, even on trivial matters.”
She added that she would have accepted him but for the impossible conditions he laid down. His first demand is that she should stop her studies. Secondly, she would not be allowed to work after marriage. He argued that she would not need to work because he had enough money.
“All these conditions were accepted without my knowledge. I am very upset. My nights are sleepless. I don’t feel interested in anything. Please tell me how to save myself from a terrible situation,” she ended the letter.
This is an example of a thousand other letters I often receive from young women who complain about the tyranny of parents or brothers. Parents, and even brothers, do not consult their daughter, or sister, when they make a vital decision affecting her entire future life.
In my reply I asked her to show some firmness in rejecting the conditions he laid down. She should be firm on her right to continue her studies. Secondly, she should insist that he follow a diet so that his weight drops to normal. I am sure that her problems will be solved eventually if she succeeds in making him accept these two conditions.