A show-off is defined as an exhibitionist, i.e. someone who deliberately behaves in such a way just to attract attention. Why do they do that? Easy. Those who like to show off, to exhibit their qualities and skills, usually do it in order to impress others. But this is not all. Sometimes they also do it in order to make others feel inferior. If you think that you are “better” than another individual, be it a colleague, a friend, a relative, an acquaintance, you cannot help behaving consequently. Your aim (sometimes unconscious, other times very much conscious!) is to make them know how smart, how rich, how generous, how successful you are. Believing that you are smarter than another, you will always find the opportunity of showing off your intelligence with the consequence of highlighting your opponent’s supposed “lack” of it! If you are convinced that you are more pious, more selfless than another, you will find a thousand ways to make them feel less virtuous, more selfish than you.
On the other hand, if your friend or your spouse considers himself (or herself) a good, faithful, careful person, most probably this is the way he/she really is. But it would be wonderful if he (or she) would not use such virtues to put you down, to more or less openly criticize your faults. “See how much I work!” means: “You are taking it easy!” “If I did not take care of money, we could not make ends meet!” means: “You are a careless spendthrift!” and the classic “Yes, I forgave and forgot your mistakes, but I don’t want you to forget that I forgave and forgot!”
While reading these lines you have certainly thought of someone you know who says this kind of things or who corresponds to such general definition. Now, would you care to examine yourself and see if also you have this trait to any extent? When you correct someone with a know-it-all attitude and say “No, you are wrong” and go on to demonstrate that “you” know better, you are showing off. At the same time, you are also humiliating your interlocutor. “But, you might argue, if the information he was giving was wrong, I had to correct it.” Okay, you have a point here. Nevertheless… it is “the way” you express yourself that counts, i.e. the words, the tone of voice, the facial expressions that you use.
I had a friend who, any time our group of ladies gathered for a tea-party, while everybody was complimenting our hostess for the delicious dessert she had prepared, would only say: “Oh, but the cake I used to make was absolutely the best!” And she would even call me as a witness to her greatness and add, “Do you remember, Elsa?” At first, I used to be totally embarrassed, then I had to accept her behavior and limit myself to just smile. She simply couldn’t stand that someone could be considered better than she was and be complimented for her skill. Every single time dear old M. had to show that she was “better.” Although she was (and still is) a nice person, she was (and still is) a good example of show-off.
If you endeavor to express a little more understanding toward others and demonstrate that you care for their feelings, if you try to discover the motivations that make others behave the way they do, you will surely find many reasons that explain the behavior you criticize, disapprove of or feel superior to. Then ask yourself: “Am I so perfect that I do not deserve any criticism?” Most probably you shall find out that you are not as “error-proof” as you thought you were.
Reflecting upon these issues is very important, if you wish to improve the quality of your life, the harmony in your family, the relations with your friends. Positive, spiritual and psychological bonds are more and more endangered by too many “I,” “I,” “I,” which spring out of everybody’s mouth far too often. Give others a little more credit. After all, they are human beings as well, exactly like you!
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Blog: recreateyourlifetoday.blogspot.com
— Elsa Franco Al Ghaslan, a Saudi English instructor and published author (in Italy), is a long-time scholar of positive thinking.
