Now Muslim, I want to remain a better person in future

Jamaludin Yaakob has posted this story on behalf of a brother, Yusuf Muhammad Ansari, who is now serving his term in a prison in Scotland and hence has no access to the Internet. Ansari narrates his experience of gradual transformation within him after his travel through Islamic lands in the East. This is the third and concluding part of his story from Scotland prison:

TWO weeks before April 1996 two things happened simultaneously. The first thing happened after an encounter to the library. I took a book out on loan called “The Basics of Islam.” Inside I found what one says when taking the Shahadah. I was lonely, desperate and searching for the right way. I had no one in this strange city to witness me taking the Shahadah. I therefore had no choice. I took my Shahadah bearing witness to Allah Almighty four times. I took the piles of money and put it in a jack in a cupboard. I flushed the remaining drugs in the toilet. I felt alive for the first time in a long time, although short lived.
My wife who had become a stranger to me arrived back that evening. I told her of the day’s events. This was to be the final acclaim. We spoke little over the next two weeks. I had my plan set that I was going back east. In all this confusion we both plotted a terrible crime and the end result would be we would go together east. Everybody says I am innocent. I was set up, etc. etc. I am not going to say this at all: I am guilty of committing a horrible crime and the consequence of my action has led me serving a life sentence. My wife? She got off and now we are divorced, thank God!
You may well remember earlier that I said everything is pre-ordained. I have questioned on many occasions as to how did I end up here (in prison). The story says it all. Nevertheless, brothers and sisters, everything has a reason. One might ask what have you done with your time in prison? What is the future of your life? What are your hopes, dreams and aspirations?
Well, I think it goes like this. No man can run riot through the land without taking responsibility for his actions and I feel it is better to be punished in this life than in the Hereafter.
When I first came to prison I was in Stoughton Jail, Edinburgh. After being processed where all details were asked for, one of the questions was what religion are you? I replied Islam. I was immediately given a Muslim diet and allowed to go to the Muslim meetings where brothers from outside came to the prison fortnightly. I recalled the first meeting as I walked into the room I held my head in shame. I couldn’t stop saying why did I do that. I wept as the brothers gave me support. I by my actions created not just one victim but so many. My victim’s family, friends, work associates, etc. have all been affected by my thoughtless actions. I have seen my father turned gray, my mother on anti-depression tablets and my brother too.
I will probably never ever know the real impact of my crime upon my victim, nor do I ever expect forgiveness. I am deeply sorry and ashamed of my actions.
One of the brothers in Edinburgh said to me, “You can’t change the past, you can only hope to attain to be a better person in the future.” I took my Shahadah again that evening this time in front of witnesses, back in 1996.
The easy part, which may seem the hardest part, is getting accustomed to nothingness and solitude. That is one thing prison does for a man. It gives you time, plenty of it, to think. My first reaction was to think of what I had lost; not only family, friends, my respect and all of that “ism’ materialism.
Soon I lost the need for materialism. As I sit here now in the concrete tomb, I exchange my coat of materialism for spiritualism. I have embraced Islam fully, slowly, but surely. I am building up a new set of moral and ethical values. I pray five times daily as prescribed in Islam and beg Allah Almighty for forgiveness.
What have I done with my time you may ask? I have undertaken a home study course in Islamic Studies which consists of twenty booklets on various Islamic subjects, which on completion leads to five O’ grades or GCSES. I have undertaken the first year of a degree course in Arabic and Islamic Studies. I read the Qur’an and the Hadiths of the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) daily. I get immeasurable support from regular visits from the brothers from the Aberdeen Mosque. Why all these you may ask? Well, I believe in Allah Almighty, I believe that good can overrule bad and only through the straight path of Islam can this be achieved.
I want to be an asset to society when I eventually leave the prison, Insha Allah. I hope that I may have obtained my degree in Arabic and Islamic Studies by then so as I may undertake dawah work and hopefully get a job teaching Islamic subjects.
My short-term objective is that I may be able to obtain some correspondence with Muslims worldwide in the hope that I may be able to give support and hopefully receive some too. My final hope is that I may be able to get another chance of marriage.

Concluded

n Courtesy of islamtomorrow.com