Leaving one’s family at home and traveling for a job to earn one’s family’s living is permissible. However, a man must always try to fulfill other duties toward his family. Indeed prolonged absence from one’s wife and children may create problems that can be very hard to solve when one eventually goes back to settle with his family.
Expatriates often ask about the length of time they could spend away from their wives. This is a very legitimate question, but it involves both man and wife. They have to determine it together. Mr. I. Hashmi of Dammam asks this with details which I will attempt to answer.
A man is allowed to travel in connection with his job, staying away from his family for a maximum of four months, provided that he has taken care that his wife and children are well looked after. He does not need to have his wife’s consent to his absence if he ensures her well-being.
If his absence is likely to be longer, then she has to agree to his prolonged absence before he embarks on such travel. If the two are in agreement regarding a long absence, then that is fair. A wife should not disagree with her husband regarding his absence if he has taken care to make her living comfortable during his absence. If she does not agree to his absence and he feels it is necessary so that he is able to look after his family better in future, then they need to work out a compromise. Mr. Hashmi asks about any punishment the husband incurs in such a case. I do not see that there is a sinful action here. There is no more than a failure to observe some recommended practices, leading to a failure to fulfill certain aspects of family life. One has to balance the benefits of working abroad and the disadvantages of staying away from wife and family.
I have referred to problems resulting from long absence. When a person returns home to settle with his family after, say, 15 years working abroad, he soon discovers that he will have strong resistance to his reassuming the role of head of the family. His wife and children have long learnt to do things without referring to him first. Now that he wants them to refer to him, they find that an imposition. They are not happy with it. He will be definitely unhappy, as he may think that all these years he spent abroad have robbed him of his position as head of the family.
Family planning
Mr. V.A. Peeran tells me that he thinks that family planning is a good thing, particularly in a country like India where there is practically a population explosion. He wishes to know the Islamic viewpoint on this question.
The answer is that every person should decide for himself and every married couple may determine the number of children they want to have. For a couple to decide to limit the number of children they have is perfectly valid. They then determine the method of contraception they use, provided that it is safe. As a national policy, family planning is a more complex matter. It should be approached very carefully. In most cases, its negative effects outweigh its positive ones.
