Q. My parents insist that I should marry the sister of my brother-in-law, but I feel that it is not right to do so. I have asked a learned scholar and he told me that the marriage of relatives in this way is not “useful.” She is 5 years younger than me and as I am still a student, I feel we are too young to marry. My parents would not accept any of these arguments. Please comment.
M. Israr, Peshawar, Pakistan
A. There are several points to consider in this question. The first is that of the arrangement itself. Our reader does not say whether his proposed marriage to the sister of his own sister’s husband is part of a deal between the two families, whereby a daughter of each family is given to the other in marriage. Such an arrangement means that our reader’s sister marries a man from that family and the sister of that man marries our reader. If that is agreed as an exchange marriage, then the whole matter is not valid. Neither marriage would have any validity, because the arrangement treats the two women as goods that may be exchanged or bartered one for the other.
If no such arrangement was agreed or suggested or contemplated at the time of the first marriage, and the second comes only as a result of the two families getting to know each other better, then that is acceptable.
Marriage between relatives is permissible in Islam, provided they are not closer than cousins. It is permissible to marry one’s cousin, but not one’s nephew or niece, or aunt or uncle. But if this is permissible it does not mean that it is encouraged or even desirable. When Islam permits such marriages, it does not give them any preference as some people tend to think. Indeed the reverse is true. The Prophet encouraged his companions to marry from other tribes, in order to cement relations in society. Besides, marriage between relatives could lead to weakening of offspring, particularly when it is repeated over several generations. Moreover, it gives a chance for regressive genes to produce their effect, leading to some hereditary health problems.
There are some hereditary diseases that spread in some communities, such as thalassemia. An important factor in disrupting such diseases is to refrain from marrying relatives. There are other precautions to be taken, of course, but unless marriage of relatives in such communities is drastically reduced, the disease continues to be passed on from generation to generation.
The last point is that with the age of the girl concerned. Our reader does not say how old she is. He is only telling us that he is studying in his 4th year in university, which means that he is probably 21or 22, and she would then be 16 or 17. If so, then that is an appropriate marital age, but doctors advise that she should not get pregnant before her body is fully developed, which means completing 18 years of age.
One last point that I should say to our reader. He should not get married to this young lady or indeed to any woman, unless he is satisfied that she is the wife he wants. Parents may have their considerations, but ultimately, he is the one to be married, and if he does not like the girl they have chosen, it is unfair to the girl and to himself that he should marry her. What he could do is to try to persuade his parents to postpone the matter until he has established himself firmly in a good job, after graduation. In this way, he will postpone the matter for 2 or 3 years. He will then work slowly and gently on his parents to abandon the idea of marrying him to this girl. May God help him choose what is best.
Spreading the message of Islam to all mankind
A letter from Mr. Ahmad Gazali of Jeddah takes up the issue of conveying the message of Islam to all mankind, as it is meant for them all. Yet many people living today will go through life with little knowledge of Islam, if any. He wonders how are these to be judged by God on the Day of Judgment.
There is no doubt that the message of Islam is addressed by God to all mankind. Everyone is called upon to believe in it, declaring that there is no deity except God, and that Muhammad is God’s messenger. This, however, places a duty on Muslims to make the message of Islam known to people and to call on them to believe in it. This was the duty of the Prophet while he was alive. He certainly delivered his message complete, intact. After he passed away, the task was undertaken by his companions and his followers. It will continue to be undertaken by his followers in succeeding generations.
Having said that, the fact remains that the message of Islam does not reach many people, or if it reaches them, it is presented in a distorted image. How are such people to believe in Islam. Obviously, they are not expected to do so, because people believe in a message if they are convinced of its truth. If they are not, how are they to be blamed for not accepting it. Hence, it is the duty of the Muslim community to make the message of Islam known to people.
Scholars are in agreement that people who do not receive the message of Islam, or obtain only a distorted image of it, are not held responsible for that failure. Thus, they are not to account for something that was not of their own making. Scholars agree that the responsibility for this lies at the doorstep of the Muslims themselves. Conveying God’s message is a duty incumbent on every Muslim as an individual and as a member of a community.
However, the responsibility is more communal than individual. As for the people who do not receive the message of Islam in its true image, they are treated like those who lived before the advent of Islam. God states in the Qur’an that He would not punish anyone for not believing in Him until they have been sent a message. That means that they should actually receive the message in order to be accountable under its provisions. Many people living today do not receive the message of Islam as it should be presented. Such people God will deal with them on the Day of Judgment on the basis of His justice and mercy. He is the most just of judges and the most merciful.
Praising a person to his face
Q. A friend of mine argues that it is not permissible in Islam to praise someone to his face. Others argue that such praise encourages him to do more good. Moreover, medals, awards and certificates of appreciation are given by different bodies in appreciation of good work done by different people. Please comment.
G. Nabi, Madinah
A. There is no doubt that Islam does not encourage praise to one’s face in public. Some people may begin to feel that they are superior to others when they are praised time after time for their good work. Moreover, praise is shunned when it is offered to a governor, ruler, or a person in authority, even one’s superior at work. That is because in most cases the praise is made for ulterior motives, or to win favor with the person who is so praised. There is often an element of hypocrisy in such praise.
On the other hand, when a person praises another in private with the intention to encourage him to do more good actions, and without any personal or ulterior motive, then that is acceptable. People do like to feel appreciated. If such appreciation will encourage a person to do more good work, and there is no question of hypocrisy in the matter, then praising a person for the qualities he certainly has is appropriate.
The point concerning medals and awards does not come in the same category, because that is a gesture of appreciation, not praise.
