One aspect of Islamic law that is neglected by the majority of Muslims is that which pertains to family relationship, particularly when it comes to a man’s relations with his wife and daughters, as well as his relations with women he deals with in daily life.
A common notion among people is to look at women as though they are inferior to men. Hence, normal standards of decency, courtesy and kindly companionship may be overlooked when treating a wife or a daughter. Many people often quote in support of such an attitude a number of sayings, incidents and poetry, which are all devoid of common sense. But the originators of such quotations are unknown, nor can we distinguish which incidents are true. Indeed, I once listened to a Friday sermon when the speaker gave valuable advice at the beginning only to close with a statement, alleged to have been said by Umar ibn Al-Khattab, warning against good, pious women, let alone ordinary ones.
It is the duty of Islamic scholars to emphasize that all this is wrong and to explain to people the Prophet’s guidance which must be followed. This is sufficient to show that the Prophet’s kindly treatment of his wives was such that none of us today can extend one-hundredth of such kindness to his wife and daughters. Authentic traditions confirm that when at home the Prophet performed household chores. Al-Bukhari relates that Aishah, the Prophet’s wife, was asked, “What did the Prophet do at home?” She answered: “He used to attend to his family’s needs.” Scholars explain this Hadith saying that it means that the Prophet served members of his family when he was at home. He also attended to his own needs, such as patching up his clothes and mending his shoes. Who of our men today does that? And who of our scholars encourages people to follow the Prophet’s example?
Unlike most people today, the Prophet did not travel alone. On each of his travels he had one of his wives with him, choosing his companion most fairly, so that none should feel aggrieved. Aishah reports: “When the Prophet was about to travel he conducted a draw between his wives. He would take with him anyone whose name is drawn out.” (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
The Prophet used to do the I’tikaf, spending the last ten days of Ramadan in the mosque to devote himself to worship. But he used to receive his wives in his place of worship, and he would accompany them on the way back home to give them company. His wife, Safiyah, reports that ‘she went to the Prophet to visit him at his place of worship in the last ten days of Ramadan and spoke with him for a while before rising to return home. The Prophet rose with her to take her home.’ (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
The Prophet took his wives with him when he was invited to a meal. A Persian neighbor of his, who was known for his delicious cooking, once invited him to a meal, after having prepared some food for him. The Prophet refused to accept unless the man invited his wife, Aishah. The invitation was thus extended and both the Prophet and his wife went to his home together. (This Hadith is related by Muslim). Scholars comment that the Prophet’s attitude is a mark of good companionship and confirms the proper manners to adopt in the presence of company. The man invited the Prophet when Aishah was sitting with him. Hence the Prophet disliked that the invitation should be to him alone, overlooking his companion.
The Prophet took care to make his wife comfortable when she rode a camel, so that she would not find the journey hard. Al-Bukhari relates that the Prophet used his cloak to make a cushion for Safiyah, his wife. He then sat down next to the camel and put up his knee so that she would put her foot on his knee as she rode the camel. This is just one example of the great care the Prophet used to take of his women. If people today would only understand this and follow the Prophet’s example, they would be far happier than they can imagine.
When his daughter, Fatimah, came to him, the Prophet used to receive her with a smile and welcome her. Aishah mentions in a report that “Fatimah came forward, walking exactly like the Prophet. He said, ‘Welcome to my daughter,’ and sat her either to his right or to his left.” (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim). An authentic Hadith related by Abu Dawood, Al-Tirmithi and Al-Nassaie mentions that when his daughter, Fatimah, came to the Prophet, “he stood up, kissed her and sat her down with him.”
Who among today’s Muslims gives his daughters such love and compassion as the Prophet used to give to Fatimah? The Qur’an makes it clear that the believer have in the Prophet a good example to follow, and that following his example is a duty incumbent on every Muslim. Is it not proper that we should extend the following of the Prophet’s example to all aspects of our practical life, and not limit to external matters of worship only?
The Prophet was compassionate to women, even in prayer. He is authentically quoted as saying: “I start my prayer, intending to make it long, but I then here a child crying, and I cut my prayer short because I know how eager that child’s mother is to find out the cause of his crying.” (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim). When the Prophet once finished his speech after the Eid prayer, he thought that women were too far to hear him. Therefore, he went to them, gave them a similar admonition and encouraged them to give generously to charity. (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
Numerous indeed are the reports that confirm the Prophet’s compassion to women and the gentle treatment he extended to them. One of these, related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim, mentions that the Prophet was on a journey with a number of his companions. A young lad called Anjashah was singing for the women’s camels so that they would march together. His singing, however, was such that the camels started to move fast, and the Prophet felt that the speed might be hard for the women riders. He said to the lad: “Careful, Anjashah! You are driving the ladies.” (In fact, the Prophet used a metaphor which requires taking maximum care, but it is difficult to reproduce the same metaphor in a different language).
Once the Prophet saw Asmaa’ bint Abu Bakr, his sister-in-law, carrying a heavy load. He sat down his camel for her to ride behind him. However, she was too shy to do that because there were a number of men with the Prophet.
Another example tells that a man came to the Prophet and said: “I want to go with the forthcoming campaign of jihad, but my wife wants to go for pilgrimage”, (which apparently was at the same time). The Prophet said to him: “Go with your wife” to pilgrimage. Thus, the Prophet placed the man’s travel with his wife to offer the pilgrimage above going with a campaign to fight for God’s cause.
To sum up, when we call for a new Fiqh which suits our times, fulfilling the duty of exercising scholarly effort, or ijtihad, we also call for a proper understanding of the two main sources of Islam, the Qur’an and the Sunnah. Only through such a correct understanding is a Muslim able to put his practices on a correct evaluation of all matters, traditional concepts and common ideas so as to bring all that in line with what earns God’s pleasure and conforms to the example set by God’s messenger (peace be upon him). The most important area where this should take place first is a Muslim’s home, in his relations with his members of his family.
