“A number of Arab notables were with the Prophet and a young lad was sitting to his right. Milk was offered to all guests. The Prophet said to the young lad: ‘Would you allow me to give these people first?’ The lad said: ‘Messenger of God, I swear that I would not give anyone preference over myself with regard to my share of you.’ The Prophet pushed the milk into his hand.” (Related by Al-Bukhari) The narrator mentions the name of the Prophet’s companion at the center of this Hadith, saying that he was Sahl ibn Saad. The Prophet’s attitude was merely a gesture intimating his disapproval.
We may look at this Hadith without giving it much thought. Why should we be concerned about a drink of milk given to some of the Prophet’s guests? But when we consider the matter very carefully, we discover some very important issues involved, and they are concerned with people’s education at the individual and community levels.
The first thing to note in this Hadith is that the Prophet gave the person sitting to his right what is due to him, namely, to receive his drink before the others, by virtue of being the first to the right. That he was only a youth while the other guests were older and men of higher social standing had no effect. The Islamic standard of giving preference in a situation where several people are expected to take turns pays little heed to the status of the one who earns the stronger claim or that the one who may be upset by giving them no favored consideration.
Secondly, the Prophet’s response has an educative effect on the young man in encouraging him to know his rights and to accept no travesty of what is due to him, even if this is meant only to honor people who are elder than himself. It also makes those elders aware that their seniority does not give them anything to what they are not entitled.
Thirdly, we note that young Muslims were trained from their early childhood to be courageous and forthright. The young man in this Hadith refuses to give preference to others because he dearly wished to be the one who drinks immediately after the Prophet. He is not overawed by the fact that those who were meant to drink first were highly notable personalities and they were the Prophet’s guests. He speaks out without hesitation.
The Prophet does not scold or chide him for what he did. On the contrary, he gives him the jug to drink before the others whom he wished to drink before him. This is totally different from the way we bring up our children, making them look at every adult with awe or even fear. We treat them as if they are dumb and devoid of understanding. When an adult says something, the young must obey without question, and often without understanding the purpose of what they are required to do.
Those who benefited by the Prophet’s education and how he inculcated in them the values of courage and independence, giving them ample training as they sat, traveled and fought with him, were the very people who delivered the message of Islam to mankind. It was such people that Omar ibn Al-Khattab consulted when he faced a difficult issue, hoping to benefit by their sharp minds.
Comforts and blessings do not last forever, with neither individuals nor nations. Too many comforts provide a life of luxury, and communities leading a luxurious life often lack seriousness and are unable to stand up to life’s misfortunes. Hence, the Prophet was keen that his companions should receive the necessary training in endurance and perseverance. He warned against indulgence in too much luxury and comforts, recognizing the negative effects of such indulgence for both the individual and the community.
When we study the educational methods of the Prophet we find much to confirm that. He was keen that his community should have a proper set of values to ensure that they would continue to enjoy their blessings. Hence, he prohibited that men should wear gold and silk articles, imitate women in manners and dress, or wear clothes that indicate arrogance. Indeed, he issued a very strong warning against the last of these, saying: “God does not look at anyone who drags his robes in arrogance.” By contrast, he praised a person who comes in the evening, feeling tired after having done a good day’s work. He looked at a person whose hand was rough as a result of work, and said: “God and His messenger love such a hand.” With such a set of values, people can persevere should they lose their comforts and luxuries. Moreover, they are able to work hard in order to regain what they have lost.
Such Hadiths, numerous as they are, should not be treated as mere texts that encourage people to put on a show as some people may do in ignorance or misunderstanding of the true spirit of Islam. Such people may be well meaning, but they make many people turn away from advocates of a faith who give little attention to anything other than some aspects of dress, food and appearance. These Hadiths are in fact guidelines pointing out the sort of behavior that is beneficial to the community, and directives for educators, educational policy-makers, and school curriculum planners, outlining the values they should impart to new generations. They show the type of personality a Muslim should have: manly but not hostile, tough but not overbearing, patient in adversity but maintaining fine manners, putting the blessings God has given us to good use and giving everyone their dues. If the Prophet’s Hadiths are presented in this light, they would be most effective in providing the best and most beneficial upbringing for the new generations.
To train our young to be manly, enduring hardship, bold and courageous does not mean that we bring up our young to be hard, devoid of compassion. The fact is that a Muslim whose faith makes a distinct impression on him or her is the type of person people like to meet, trust and enjoy his discourse. Hence, they listen to him when he speaks, respond to his appeal and trust him with even the most private of matters. They gather around him when he is near and miss him when he is absent.
Such a Muslim is the exact opposite of one whom people dislike to mention, let alone meet. He is rude, overweening and unfriendly. People hate his presence and prefer his absence. This is all due to his bad manners and arrogance. Needless to say, such manners destroy a person’s esteem among others and undermine his position with God.
What educators say and do has much influence on children and adolescents. It also determines in which of the two directions they go in their adult lives. Should they move along the first line, the educators receive a reward from God for every good thing done by those whom they helped to bring up. And when they follow the opposite line, the educators’ share of the blame for every offense their charges make is commensurate to their contribution to their wrong upbringing.
The perfect example we may draw from the Prophet’s manners and practices is endlessly rich and varied. Describing His messenger in the Qur’an, God says: “It is by God’s grace that you deal gently with them. Had you been harsh and hard-hearted, they would surely have broken away from you.” (3: 159) God also commands him to adopt an attitude that is certain to increase people’s love of him: “Spread the wings of your tenderness over the believers.” (15: 88)
Friendliness, with which a person meets his brother or which he feels for him so that he always wishes him well, is an aspect of the genuine and pure love that unites the believers and distinguishes them from others who are united only by their immediate worldly interests. Hence, the Prophet used to strongly recommend his companions to maintain such pure love to their brothers. He said to Abu Tharr: “Do not belittle any aspect of goodness, even though it may be no more than meeting your brother with a smile on your face.” He also urged his companions to make sure that they only say what is good, making that a way of escape from Hell: “Spare yourselves the fire, even by as little as half a date; and if you find nothing to give, then say a good word.” Indeed he made it clear that a good word, for any purpose, earns reward from God: “A good word is an act of charity.”
We do well when we understand this concept well. We should try our best to bring up our sons and daughters in line with Islamic moral values and good manners. These include fortitude, courage and clear support for the truth, which are all essential for nation building. We should also teach them to be loving and compassionate, willing to cooperate in every good purpose. At least we can always say a good word. In old times, the Arabs said: “Benevolence is easy: it only requires a smiling face and a friendly tongue.”
