Was it Plato who once said that a people who look for humor within their weaknesses are a society headed for better health? Or was it Voltaire, the famous 18th century French philosopher and wit who perhaps penned that satire is a genre of writing or art which principally ridicules its subject as an intending means of provoking change or preventing it?
Along these lines and following the rapid departure of our national soccer team from the World Cup, I received several parodies praising their performance or lack of it. One such contribution that I chose to share with you in this week’s column comes from none other than Cousin Omar in the Eastern Province.
He writes: “After the disastrous performance by our football team in the first World Cup of the new millennium, a lot of thoughts are floating in my mind, which I would like to share with you: Star striker Sami Al-Jaber previously nicknamed the ‘Deadly Wolf’ is now called ‘Dances with Wolves’.
“The National team changed their slogan from ‘The Green Eagles’ to ‘The Green Chicks’ (plucked of course).
“From now on the Saudi team will only participate in the PLAY STATION World Cup.
“The regional Gulf Cup trophy has turned into a Butter Cup.
“Team Coach Al-Jowhar’s statement after the match with Germany played in the rain sounds like the equivalent Boney M tune ‘Brown coach in the rain, sha la la la la ...’
“Team Coach Nasser Al-Jowhar in ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire’: ‘Can I delete two goals?’ or better yet ‘Can I commit hari kiri?’ Please, pretty please.
“Immediately after the Cameroon match, the Saudi team applied for summer jobs at The Willie Wonka Chocolate Factory.
“Saudi Telecom has introduced a new service; to call Germany just dial 0-8 and 0-12 for Japan.
“Rumors are afloat that there will be a general boycott of all 8-cylinder German cars.
“Breaking News: The Power Puff Girls are the new team star strikers.
“In Star Wars II the character Jar Jar is replaced by Jaw-Har.
“Nasser Al-Jowhar’s recipe for disaster: Add eight sacks of rice, a pinch of sheesha (hubblee-bubblee), concede 12 goals and voila: an instant 32nd spot in the World Cup!
“In explaining his team’s performance, coach Al-Jowhar said ‘Just look at France! They are out of the Cup without scoring goals too!’ (This in reference to the coach’s insistence that bags of rice be flown with the team in preparation for the Cup.)
“During the flight home the disappointed Saudi pilot announces ‘I apologize for the long flight. It seems we are stuck in the clouds. I’ll be grateful if the Saudi team can lend a hand by stepping out of the plane and giving us a push.”
“Last but not least. The Saudi team will all star in a docu-drama movie entitled ‘We All Know What You Did Last Summer’.”
Well done, Cousin Omar. Now if only I can get you to write a weekly satire. You’ll never run out of subjects.
— Tariq A. Al-Maeena, [email protected]
