“I’m with them,” said a pimply-faced teenage Saudi boy, pointing at us to my surprise. It was the girls’ outing of the week. Just the female half of the family. We were on our way to “fun” at the doorway of every youngster’s favorite hangout in Riyadh, Faisaliah Mall, when we came upon him.
Dressed in practically sprayed-on faded jeans and a cap, it didn’t seem as if he could have ever comfortably shoved his way through and stayed in one piece, but he did. Fascinated as we were, my sisters and I watched, dumbfounded and with our jaws dropped completely to the ground, as he walked jerkily through crowds of women and children and decided to stop next to us.
He was supposedly our brother or “mahram” (male escort). The sad part? The guard actually believed him and let him enter. I don’t know if everyone is aware or not, but in order for them to enter, young men must be with a family or with a woman whose “mahram” he is. Never alone, or with a gang of buddies. So, as a result obnoxious young men get in the same way our pimply, supposed “mahram” did.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating that young men should roam freely through the shopping premises. Of course not. Because all it took was my mom finding out about what had happened with the teenage boy to completely forbid us from ever again entering Faisaliah Mall without her accompanying us. “If all it took was a puny teenager to manipulate and pull one over on a professional guard, then imagine what an older, more capable man might be able to do to my little girls,” she argues. “It’s horrifying, and just thinking about it gives me the jitters. I won’t have it.”
Another scenario? Like all young women of every other nation, we Saudi girls need a place to jog and basically try to stay fit. A certain location in Prince Abdullah Street is just that. Locally known as “Pregnant Ladies Street,” it’s a long path, nicely decorated and lit just for us to jog along, walk along or just take a breather from all the stress life throws at us. Amazingly it has somehow been transformed into a place where young men come in their cars to watch, observe and sometimes even pass harsh, brutal comments at the women and girls.
“Health clubs are things we just can’t afford,” says one girl. “So you can imagine how happy I was to find that place.” Although just like everywhere else meant for us women here, it seemed too good to be true. “As soon as the jogging actually started, I wasn’t so happy,” she added bitterly. It wasn’t long before she became something to be observed and stared at by ogling males as if she were some exotic animal on display in a zoo. “Then came the worst part,” she said. “Hurtful comments were thrown at me. Things like ‘O shake it, fat girl’ caused me depression and my self-esteem went right down.”
It’s scenarios like these combined with throwing little pieces of paper with something as useless as their numbers written on them that disgust us. And that is not all that is disturbing; try these: Chasing and stalking girls as if the girls were celebrities and the boys were their most avid fans as well as making rude and contemptuous comments. This is the behavior that keeps us girls and our parents and guardians worried, fearful and anxious. How much longer must we tolerate this?
As young Saudi women we have a lot to overlook. We’re not permitted to drive but we have learned to live with that and found a way to live our lives and still accomplish our dreams and goals. We’re not permitted to have PE classes at school. We have learned to live with that and somehow still found ways to stay fit and healthy. But when teenaged boys, our own contemporaries, preventing us from getting to places where we should be safe and able to enjoy ourselves, it’s time for change.
Overlook we will no more. “You wouldn’t treat your sisters like this, now would you?” asks an angry 18-year-old Noor Osama. “Well, we are your sisters. Your sisters in Islam.” She continues bitterly, “We can’t have fun, we can’t go out, we can’t do anything without risking them getting in our faces.”
That is the attitude of most young women. They simply can no longer stand the repelling, moronic behavior of the boys and young men — you know, the ones who according to their parents are their “pride and joy.”
There is a small group of girls who do not agree with Noor Osama and the majority.
“I find it very flattering,” says J.D., a bubbly, rather attractive 19-year-old. “Come on, deep down inside, all girls find it flattering, I’m just the only one brave enough to admit it. I mean, they wouldn’t even bother looking at you unless you were something sweet to their eyes. Anyway they aren’t that harmful; cut them some slack. They just need to find a way to interact with the opposite sex.” (I remind the reader that only a small minority of girls feel this way.)
So, are we supposed to wash our hands of all males of our generation? Are we to begin labeling them a disgrace to the word “Man”? Is it time for us to ask whatever happened to the ever so famous Arab male pride, chivalry and gallantry? Is that no more than something in history books? Not just yet.
“All the men and boys who indulge in such shenanigans should think twice because we all have sisters, mothers, daughters, wives and we all know that these things can happen to them,” says Muhammad, a 21-year-old husband whose wife is seven months pregnant. “Respect all women, just as you’d respect those related to you.”
Despite a lot of evidence to the contrary, young men like Muhammad actually exist and in large numbers too. As for the rest of them, we direly need a solution. Could it lie in segregation? Could it be in the exact opposite of that?
“It’s all in the hands of the loving fathers,” says Fahd, a 21-year-old, notorious for his daily cruises along Tahliya street and his rather odd, yet (as much as I hate to admit it) impressive automobile. A dark blue 2002 Volkswagen Golf, with the words ‘Megadeth’ written on the back — referring to his favorite heavy metal band.
What? In the hand of the fathers? How could that possibly be?
“If they would just let us have their daughters in wedlock without making us go through that big hassle, then maybe we wouldn’t always be on the lookout for others. Because, frankly not all of us are as privileged as some young, married rich men. Yet we are still in need and lack that soft, tender, feminine voice to speak to us with words of endearment, understanding and assurance. And until we find one, nothing can stop us.”
So, could that be it? Could that be the solution? Should people just simply lowering the dowries and would that put an end to all this?
We may never know. All we know for now is that we hope a solution is found and found soon. In the meantime, may God give us girls the patience and serenity we need in order to maintain our sanity.
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(Farah Al-Sweel is a Saudi student. She is based in Riyadh.)
