In the eighties and nineties, it was a dream for many an Arab woman to marry a man from the Gulf. It was the dream of living in the lap of luxury in a wealthy society. Other Arab societies were not as wealthy as the Gulf. Finding a husband from the Gulf was considered a big catch.
This was in the past and it has all changed now. Many Arab women are no longer looking for a husband from the Gulf as they were in the past. Sayidaty met with sociologists and some foreign wives to get a social feel of the winds of change.
Moroccan women told Sayidaty that the demand for a husband from the Gulf has declined. Suad Al-Wafi, a Moroccan computer company employee, said, “Getting married to a foreign man is difficult whether he is Arab or non-Arab. There is such a big difference in culture, tradition, outlook and background. I prefer to marry someone from my own country.”
But the official in charge of public affairs at the Saudi Embassy in Rabat has a different opinion. He said, “The embassy receives at least two requests a day for permission to marry a Moroccan wife from Saudis aged between 30 and 70. We have to admit that marrying foreign wives has many disadvantages and there are many problems resulting from such marriages. There are many Saudi husbands who abandon their wives and leave them behind with children. We cannot guarantee that all Saudi husbands are good. Our role is only to process marriage application requests that we receive. We cannot ban men from getting married because it is a matter of personal freedom. Any problem that arises between a couple is attributed to a lack of awareness. The problem usually begins when the wife lives in the husband’s country. We always try our best to help the wife when her husband leaves her behind with children. But when the husband is bereft of any conscience, the wife in most cases pays the price.”
There are many sad cases of broken marriages. Hureya Al-Wuzany, a Moroccan woman married to a Saudi, said, “I lived seven terrible years with my husband in Saudi Arabia. I discovered that he was a terrible guy and very violent. I finally got a divorce from him and he sent me back to Morocco but without my two children.”
According to Abdul Aziz Al-Dulaykan, a Saudi lawyer, “Many Gulf people prefer to marry Moroccan wives because it is easy to find a wife there without incurring much expenses. Some of them love Moroccan women because they are very beautiful. Most of the Gulf citizens have bad intentions when they marry foreign women, which result in many problems. It is very difficult for foreign women to get used to living in strict Gulf societies.”
In Syria, many women have married Gulf citizens. Maria Samman, a sociologist, said, “In the past 20 years, I have helped many Syrian women marry young men from the Gulf. Some of these men were handicapped, some others were old. Many of these marriages failed, unfortunately.
“Most of the Gulf husbands are not looking for long-term marriages, especially old men who marry young girls. Most of these marriages fail because there are huge differences between the couple — differences like education, age and social status.”
These bad instances do not necessarily mean that all marriages end up in a mess; there are Syrian girls living happily with Gulf husbands.
“Seventy percent of Gulf marriages involve men from Saudi Arabia and the remainder is divided among the rest of the Gulf countries. There is however no detailed statistics about such cross-country marriages.
“Most Gulf men prefer pretty young wives under the age of 25. Eighty percent of these marriages involve second wives. In a private study that I conducted, I discovered that 30 percent of husbands cannot marry women from their country for financial and social reasons. They marry from Syria because it is cheaper to marry there and because Syrian families do not bother about the social background of the husband.
“Under Syrian law, it is illegal for a 14-year-old girl to marry someone over 60. These marriages however do take place because the older men usually pay large dowries and use forged papers. I think Syrian women did not decline such proposals in the past. Most families would still accept young men from the Gulf. There is a decline, however, in the number of young girls marrying older men. Eighty-five percent of marriages between older men and young girls have fallen apart in less than a year because the older men were looking for momentary pleasure rather than long-term marital bliss.”
Sayidaty met with several Syrian wives. Um Khalid, a divorced woman, told the magazine, “My marriage failed because of the many differences that surfaced between us. I married my Saudi husband through a relative who was working in Saudi Arabia. He was very nice in the beginning. He came to Syria and we met. He told me that he was married and he intended to have me as a second wife. I married him and went to Saudi Arabia. Our marriage failed because he was treating us differently.
“The first wife lived in a big house while he made me live in a small apartment. When I asked him to treat us equally, he refused and when I asked for a divorce, he readily agreed and sent me back home. I think our marriage failed because we are from different social and cultural backgrounds.”
Huda Sulooh, another Syrian woman, said, “I would refuse any Gulf man who would propose to me. I will only marry a Syrian. I have seen many bitter examples of my friends marrying men from the Gulf. All such marriages failed in the long run. I will refuse to marry someone from a different cultural background. I don’t want to risk my life marrying someone that I know will divorce me sooner or later.”
Aminah Muhammad, a Syrian woman married to a Kuwaiti, said, “I married my husband 12 years ago. I met him after his father came to visit us. He then proposed to me. The strange thing was that his father was speaking on his behalf and he rarely talked. When we got married and went to Kuwait, I discovered that he was suffering from mental problems. He could not do anything without the help of his father.”
Aydah, from Egypt, said, “I married my husband from Kuwait and he was 38 years older than me. I was 17 years old when he married me and he was 55. Our marriage lasted only three years. He was very generous with me and showered me with gifts. One day he married a 19-year-old Syrian girl and brought her home to live with me. I realized that my husband was enjoying getting married to young women and he was not trying to settle down. I asked for a divorce and he approved of it. I then went back to my country and married someone close to my age. I am trying now to forget the past.”
