The Prophet (peace be upon him) was given a special dispensation by God, allowing him to marry any number of women he wished. He married Khadeejah, his first wife, when he was in his mid-twenties and lived with her for 25 years, without ever giving a thought to having another wife, although having several wives was normal practice in Arabia at the time. Islam restricted this to a maximum of four wives at a time. But the Prophet was exempt from this restriction. After Khadeejah’s death he married other women, and at the time of his death, he was married to nine women. These marriages often had social, political or legislative reasons, but we will not discuss this aspect now. We are only concerned with the fact that it is not easy for any man to keep several wives happy at all times. It is natural for a bigamist to love one wife more than the other, and the Prophet made it clear that such feelings are not within man’s control. Therefore, we are not accountable for them. However, Islam requires everyone to maintain absolute fairness in his treatment of his wives.
The Prophet was a model of fairness, favoring none of his wives over the rest, despite the fact that he loved Aishah more than the rest. He was always kind and caring with each and every one of his wives, looking after their needs and ensuring that they had what they wanted. This does not mean that they were living in luxury. Far from it. When things were hard, he might spend a whole month and no cooked meal would be served in any of his homes. But happiness is not dependent on wealth.
There are many Hadiths that speak of the Prophet’s treatment of his wives, and how he looked after them. But a question is always asked about how they felt toward each other. The Prophet’s wives were ordinary women, with all the feelings, desires and aspirations of a woman. Hence, every one wanted to be the favorite, even though they knew that being closer to the Prophet’s heart would not give her any preferential treatment. Yet there were jealousies between them. They might press their personal advantages at one time or another. How did the Prophet react?
Anas ibn Malik reports: “The Prophet was at the home of one of his wives when another sent a plate full of food. As the messenger carrying it entered, he was hit on his hand and the plate dropped and was broken in two halves. The Prophet took the two parts and joined them together, and collected the dropped food, saying to his guests: “Your mother has been jealous! Come and eat.” They all shared in eating. He then detained the messenger who brought the food, until his wife who broke the plate brought her own plate, and he gave it to the messenger, leaving the broken plate in the home of the one who broke it.” (Related by al-Bukahri, Ahmad, Abu Dawood, Al-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah).
We see the Prophet dealing with the situation in a very practical way. First of all, he comments on the incident saying no more than the fact that his wife in whose home the incident took place felt jealous. She wanted to be the hostess, and felt disappointed that another of the Prophet’s wives was ahead of her in providing the food to his guests. Hence, she deliberately hit the carrier’s hand so that the food would be dropped. A woman is seldom able to control her jealousy. In this incident, she felt that her right to be the hostess is being taken away from her and she would not stand that. The Prophet reacted in a most understanding way. He did not blame or rebuke her or make a scene. He only stated the fact and described her to his guests as their mother. This is the status given by God to all the Prophet’s wives: “The Prophet has a higher claim on the believers than their own selves, and his wives are their mothers.” (33: 6) Reminding them of the fact meant that they would not talk about the incident, because every one is ready to overlook a failing of his mother.
The other aspect of the Prophet’s attitude is his detention of the person who brought the food until the plate was replaced. The lady who broke it gave her own plate instead, and he kept the broken plate in her home. Thus, the incident was over and dealt with.
That the Prophet’s wives should be jealous of one another is perfectly natural. They were not competing for the love of an ordinary man. He was God’s Messenger, the last Prophet whose behavior and practice was to provide a model to be followed by all future generations. When he once mentioned jealousy to Aishah, she said: “How could one like me not be jealous when she is married to one like you?”
Such jealousy could mean that they could be angry with him. We should not take this in any light other than that of a strict marital relationship. This will help us understand the following Hadith reported by Aishah: “God’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said to me once: ‘I know when you are pleased with me and when you are displeased.’ I asked him: ‘How do you know that?’ He said: ‘If you are pleased with me you say, “No, by the Lord of Muhammad,” and when you are displeased with me you say, “No, by the Lord of Abraham.”’ I said: ‘Yes, this is true. By God, I only leave out your name.’” (Related by Al-Bukahri, Muslim and Ahmad).
This gives us a picture of the sort of marital love in the Prophet’s homes. That Aishah might be displeased with the Prophet has nothing to do with his role as a Prophet and God’s Messenger. It is only with regard to their private matters as a husband and wife. Since he had so many other wives, it was natural that matters could arise which awaken a woman’s jealousy. In such situations, she did not sulk or do anything to displease him, because of his status as God’s Messenger who had a stronger claim on every Muslim, including his wives, than their own souls. She only refrained from mentioning his name when she wanted to assert something.
This is perfectly understandable since the Prophet accommodated all her wishes. Jabir reports: “God’s Messenger (peace be upon him) was an easy man. If Aishah desired something, he would gratify her. This is how he sent her with Abd Al-Rahman (her brother) to start her Umrah at Al-Tan’eem.” (Related by Muslim and Ibn Hibban).
This was the rule the Prophet applied with all his wives. When any of them desired something that was permissible, he would carry out their wishes. The incident to which this Hadith refers happened on the Prophet’s pilgrimage, when all his wives were with him. The people accompanying him chose to perform the pilgrimage on its own, or the Umrah and the pilgrimage together, or started with an Umrah to be followed by the pilgrimage. Aishah was of the last group, but shortly before arriving in Makkah, she started her period, which meant that she could not perform her Umrah. The Prophet told her to change her ritual to doing the pilgrimage, which she did. When the pilgrimage was over and the people started to get ready to travel back home, she complained that people had done both duties of Umrah and pilgrimage while she had done only the pilgrimage. The Prophet told her that in her situation, what she did was sufficient for both duties, but she was upset, feeling that she has missed out. Hence the Prophet told her to go with her brother to the nearest point outside the Haram area where she could start the Umrah. This is the basis of the permission to do this, which millions and millions of Muslims have followed over the years.
