Perhaps the worst bereavement that anyone may experience is the loss of a child. God has made the relation between parent and child the closest of all relations. A parent’s love is pure, uncontaminated with any desire for gain or self- interest. Moreover, a child represents its parents’ hopes for the future. Hence, when a child dies, its parents feel the loss very keenly.
Although the relationship is mutual, and children feel very close to their parents, particularly when young, depending on their parents for everything in life, children do not feel the loss of their parents as keenly as the parents do in the reverse situation. Perhaps this is due to the fact that normal progress leads us to expect that the older generation departs from life earlier than the younger one. Hence, a child’s death upsets the norms. But in fact there is no set norm when it comes to death. People die at all ages, for a variety of causes.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) suffered bereavements of all types. He lost his father before he was born, and his mother when he was six years of age. He also lost his grandfather at the age of eight. He lost his most loving wife, Khadeejah, when he was 50, and another of his later wives, Zaynab who had the title of Umm Al-Masakeen, which means “The Mother of the Needy”, in Madinah. He also lost his two sons, Al-Qasim and Abdullah, before he began to receive God’s revelations, and lost his two daughters, Ruqayyah and Umm Kulthoom, in his early years in Madinah. In all these situations, he grieved as a loving father or husband would grieve. But he accepted the fact that death is determined by God and we have to accept it with patience. Feeling sad at the loss of a dear relative or close friend is perfectly acceptable, as long as one does not wail or show physical panic or protest. We have to trust to God’s wisdom in all situations.
All the Prophet’s children were by his first wife Khadeejah, except for a boy born to Maria, the Coptic maid sent to him as a gift by Al-Muqawqis, the ruler of Egypt. This was late in the Prophet’s life, when he was approaching 60 years of age. He called the boy Ibraheem, after the Prophet Abraham, the first grandfather of the Arabs. In line with the Arabian practice, the boy was given to a wet nurse to look after him in his early years. She was called Umm Sayf, the wife of a blacksmith called Abu Sayf. A wet nurse normally kept the child and breast-fed him for two years.
Anas ibn Malik reports: “One day I followed the Prophet as he aimed to visit Abu Sayf. As we arrived he was using his bellows to keep the fire going, and the house was full of smoke. I went ahead of the Prophet and told Abu Sayf to hold his fire as the Prophet was coming. He did so. When the Prophet arrived, he asked for his son. He took him and held him close, kissing and smelling him, and he said whatever prayers he wished to say. I saw the child as life almost departed from him with the Prophet holding him. The Prophet’s eyes were tearful, and he said: ‘The eye is tearful, the heart is full of grief, but we only say what will please God, our Lord. We are certainly grieved for losing you, Ibraheem.’” (Related by Al-Bukhari, Muslim and Abu Dawood). In one version of this Hadith it is reported that Abd Al-Rahman ibn Awf said to the Prophet as he saw him weeping: “’And you cry, God’s Messenger!’ The Prophet said: ‘Ibn Awf! It is an expression of compassion.’”
This report shows the Prophet in his role as a father. He is a most loving and caring father, about to lose his youngest child. He is sad and sorrowful, but he does not forget for a moment that God determines death, and that we have no option but to accept God’s will, whatever it happens to be. Ibraheem is said to have lived only 17 or 18 months.
We can better feel the Prophet’s sorrow on this occasion when we remember that he loved young children, and played with them. We mentioned last week the Hadith that tells how the Prophet held his granddaughter, Umamah, as he led the obligatory congregational prayer, putting her over his shoulder when he stood up, and then putting her on the floor when he bowed and prostrated himself, before picking her up again as he rose. We also learn that the Prophet sought his grandchildren to hold them and look after them. Abu Hurayrah reports: “I was with God’s Messenger (peace be upon him) in one of the markets in Madinah, and when he left I went with him. When he reached the yard in front of Fatimah’s place, he called out to Al-Hasan ibn Ali, saying: ‘O, Cuty! O, Cuty!’ But no one answered him. He then left and went to Aishah’s place. As he was there, Al-Hasan came to him. I thought that his mother had detained him so that she could give him his beads to wear in his neck. When he came over the Prophet hugged him and he hugged the Prophet, who then said: ‘My Lord! I love him, so please love him and love everyone who loves him.’ He repeated this three times.” (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
Here we see the Prophet going especially to his daughter’s home to see her son. When the child comes over to him, he hugs him. This is a normal behavior of a grandfather cuddling his grandson. But the Prophet adds a prayer that expresses his passion for his grandchildren. He prays that God would not only love the child, but also that He would love everyone who loves him. This is a prayer that could include every Muslim until the end of human life on earth, because Muslims love the Prophet and members of his household. They love most dearly those whom the Prophet loved most. Since this Hadith, and others similar to it, clearly state that the Prophet loved Al-Hasan, we certainly love him and view him with reverence, hoping that we will receive some of the benefit of the Prophet’s prayer.
Another Hadith that describes how the Prophet felt toward this grandson of his mentions that Al-Hasan was with the Prophet once as he was standing on the pulpit addressing his companions. Al-Hasan would move toward the people and then come back to his grandfather. The Prophet then remarked: “This son of mine is a master. May be God will wish to bring peace between two great groups of Muslims through him.” (Related by Al-Bukhari, Abu Dawood, Al-Nassaie and Al-Tirmidhi)
What the Prophet mentioned came true. After the trouble that engulfed the Muslim state and the Battle of Siffin between Ali and Mu’awiyah, Al-Hasan was chosen as caliph, but matters were not settled properly. Rather than try to impose his rule by force, risking another battle between Muslims, Al-Hasan relinquished his post and allowed Mu’awiyah to become caliph. That year is called in Muslim history, The Year of Unity.
