It is well known that the Prophet, (peace be upon him) suffered bereavement on many occasions. When he was very young, he experienced the loss of very close relatives. He lost his mother when he was six, and his grandfather who looked after him at the age of eight. He also lost his two sons when they were very young. When he had a third son, the only child born to him by a woman other than his first wife, Khadeejah, that child, Ibraheem, lived less than a year and a half. He also lost three of his four daughters during his lifetime. But he also suffered the loss of some of his grandchildren. As a loving parent and caring prophet, each loss caused him much grief, but he was always resigned to God’s will, accepting it with patience.
Usamah reports: “The son of one of the Prophet’s daughters was about to die when she sent for him requesting him to go over to her. He sent her a message saying: ‘Whatever God takes away or gives belongs to Him. He determines everything at its appropriate time. She should be patient and resigned to God’s will.’ When this message was delivered to her, she asked the messenger who brought it to go back to the Prophet and tell him that she requested him by God to come over. He then stood up and we all stood with him. He went to her accompanied by Saad ibn Ubadah and Ubayy ibn Kaab, I think. The dying child was placed on the Prophet’s lap as life was almost departing from him. The Prophet’s eyes were tearful. Saad ibn Ubadah said to him: ‘What is this, Messenger of God?’ He replied: ‘This is compassion which God places in the hearts of those He chooses from among His servants. God will bestow His mercy on those of His servants who are compassionate.’” (Related by Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Ahmad and Abu Dawood).
Some people may wonder why the Prophet did not go to his daughter when she sent for him the first time, although he was told the reason for her urgent call. In fact, it was understandable. The Prophet was attended by a group of his companions and he could not just leave them and go. Hence, he sent her a consoling message, reminding her that death is determined by God’s will and we must accept it with resignation, no matter how close and beloved the dying person is. His daughter, Zaynab, was keen that the Prophet should attend her dying son. Hence, she sent the messenger back with an oath requesting him to come over. Therefore three of his companions go with him as he proceeds to go. The child was suffering as anyone would be in the throes of death. His mother wanted the Prophet to pray for him so that his suffering would be lightened. The Prophet could not withhold his tears as he saw his grandson about to die. Yet his companions wonder at his crying, because a man is not expected to cry, particularly in the Arabian society at the time. Hence the Prophet explains that crying in such a situation was the mark of compassion and it should be treated as such. Compassionate people are sure to receive God’s mercy, because they are softhearted people who will help others in their difficulties.
The Prophet was reported to cry in other situations as well. Aishah reports: “The Prophet kissed Uthman ibn Maz’oon when he died, and he was crying as he did so, or indeed his eyes were pouring with tears.” (Related by Ahmad, Abu Dawood, Al-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah)
Uthman ibn Maz’oon was one of the very early Muslims, and was very close to the Prophet. Hence, it is not surprising that the Prophet should be extremely saddened by his death. However, the Prophet expressed his feelings properly, with tearful eyes, but no wailing or lamenting, which is forbidden in Islam.
On another occasion the Prophet was told that Saad ibn Ubadah was ill. Saad was the chief of the Khazraj, one of the two main tribes of the Ansar. “The Prophet went to inquire after him, accompanied by Abd Al-Rahman ibn Awf, Saad ibn Abi Waqqas and Abdullah ibn Masood. When he went in, Saad was unconscious. The Prophet asked: ‘Has he died?’ The people attending him answered in the negative. The Prophet’s eyes were tearful. Those attending also cried as they saw the Prophet cry. He said to them: ‘Do you hear me? God does not punish anyone for a tearful eye or for sad feelings. But He punishes or forgives for what this might do. (He pointed to his tongue). A deceased person is punished on account of his family’s wailing for him.’” (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
Saad ibn Ubadah was very close to the Prophet. As the chief of his tribe, he rendered good service to the cause of Islam. The Prophet appreciated his contribution and that of Saad ibn Mu’adh, the chief of the other Ansari tribe, the Aws. It was apparent that Saad’s illness was serious, as he lost consciousness, to the extent that the Prophet wondered on arrival whether he was already dead. As he realized the extent of Saad’s illness, his eyes were tearful, and this caused all those attending him to cry as well.
The Prophet took that opportunity to explain what is acceptable and what is not on such sad occasions. He made it clear that feelings and crying are perfectly permissible. They do not incur God’s displeasure, as they are natural phenomena. It is the wailing and lamenting, which are people’s own actions that may cause the deceased to suffer. But this applies only in certain situations, because no one bears the burden of another. If the deceased’s family do something wrong, how can he be responsible for them? He will definitely not have to answer for their actions unless he wanted them to do so. Many Arabs used to include this in their will in pre-Islamic days, giving instructions as to how their departure should be mourned. In Islam, this is clearly not permissible. A dead person may also be held responsible for his relatives’ wailing, if he likes such wailing to be done after his death. Otherwise, the dead cannot be answerable for the deeds of the living. Indeed, it is those who wail and lament that have to answer to God for their actions.
