Q. After successive pregnancy failures, a woman is told that her physical health does not permit another pregnancy. She has to live with this fact. As a result, she is frustrated and depressed. People have suggested to her to adopt a child, and some suggested that a relative who has several children might give her one to bring up. Could you please explain what Islam says about adoption?
(Name and address withheld)
A. The first thing I would like to say to this woman is that she should have a fresh look at her situation. Of course everyone would like to have their own children. But this is something we cannot do much about. It is God who decides what He will create. We can resort to medical methods and different techniques, but in the end, it is God who creates. What we should realize is that He chooses for us what is best for us. We should accept His choice, believing that it is best for us.
Sometimes we feel that it is difficult to accept our situation. In this case a woman may feel that she is inferior or deprived of life’s pleasure. She has to remember that although children can bring much pleasure and happiness to their parents, some of them are the source of great misery to their families. How could this woman tell that a child she might have will not be the source of continuous unhappiness for her?
Adoption means different things in different societies. In the West, it means that a family goes through certain arrangements to make a child who is born into a different family their own, giving that child their surname and making it legally theirs. They will then bring the child up as if it was born to them. In legal terms, it becomes the child of the adopting parents. This is not permissible in Islam, because it actually makes a fraudulent claim.
What is possible and earns great reward is to bring up an orphan child, without going through formal adoption. If a childless couple, or indeed any couple, bring up an orphan child, providing it with a caring home, education and comfortable living, this will earn them rich reward from God. But they must call the child after its own parents, not giving it their own surname, or claiming that it is their own when it is not. If that child is a relative, then this could bring greater reward. The case of taking a child that belongs to a relative and bringing it up, even though the child’s parents are alive, is also possible and gives the carers reward from God. But in all these situations, the child’s identity should not be changed. God says in the Qur’an: “He has never made your adopted sons truly your sons. This is only something you say by your mouths, whereas God speaks the absolute truth, and He guides to the right path. Call them by their real fathers’ names: this is more equitable in the sight of God. If you do not know who their fathers were, then they are your brethren in faith and your friends.” (33: 4-5)
