A salesman, who had been delighted to see me in a downtown shopping center, wrote a letter to me in which he said: “All of us are at times victims of a cold or flu. Fortunately with proper medicines, we are usually able to cure ourselves in a few days. But I have noticed that some times, human relations also suffer from a kind of sickness similar to flu or cold. The symptom of this fast spreading disease in society is people’s reluctance to express thanks for the small services they receive. Words such as ‘thank you’ or ‘you are welcome’ seem — sadly — to have been removed from the dictionary of relations.
“A cold glance or a hurried nod has replaced the warm expressions of recognition for one’s service to others. Most of us willingly offer help to others and are not compelled by any other factor. When I help someone who is carrying a large bag, for example, the recipient evidently believes that a word of thanks is too high a reward. Instead he simply nods his head, keeping his lip tightly closed as though I have performed one of my obligatory duties. My spirits are then dampened and I feel depressed. I ask myself why I helped him. I should not have done it. I decide not to offer help to others.”
He described further how strangely people behave. “It is disturbing to see how a stranger reacts when he receives my help. He may stop me on the road seeking my help in locating an office or a house. I explain to him clearly how to reach that place. Or even at times, I take him there to make sure that he does not lose the way. Then, he nods his head and says: ‘Yes, yes I knew this place well,’ and walks away! When I give the taxi driver a little extra in addition to the usual fare, he gives me a cold look as though the extra sum was common practice which deserves no thanks or sign of appreciation.”
He also warned about the danger involved in the lack of recognition of small kind acts. “It will lead to coldness and rudeness in human relations.”
Most of the things the man mentioned in his letter are no doubt true. At the same time, we should remember that we do not perform good acts in hopes of a reward. Of course, I agree with him that a lack of recognition may lead to unhealthy human relations but it does not lead to unhealthy relations with your Lord. My advice to him is never to stop being kind to others, whatever their reactions.
Zahra started her letter by saying that she was 26 and lives alone in her own comfortable villa. Her father gives her a generous allowance every month even though she has a good job with a good salary. She has an expensive car and she speaks three languages.
The sad part of her story is that her father divorced Zahra’s mother several years ago. He provided her with a good house, a substantial cash settlement and the custody of their only daughter, Zahra. Then he married another woman and moved to a distant city.
Zahra’s mother teaches in a university in a neighboring country and she has married again. Her new husband is an easy-going man who stays at home until her mother comes home from work. In addition, he is an excellent cook.
Zahra said she had turned down all the young men who wanted to marry her. She has no shortage of suitors for the obvious reasons: She is rich, beautiful and well-mannered. Any young man would be happy to have her as his wife. “But I turn down all the proposals for only one reason. Marriage means the end of my freedom.” Then she comes to her real problem.
“I went to visit my mother for two weeks. She has a large circle of friends and they were very hospitable to me and welcomed me with parties and gifts. The time I spent with my mother was delightful. While there, I met a young man with a dark complexion, thin and not as refined as many others. All his faults, however, were covered by his fabulous wealth. At the invitation of his sister, I visited his house — a palace which dazzled and baffled me. I had never seen such elegant furniture or such exquisite interior decoration. On the last day I was there, my mother told me the dark young man wanted to marry me. I asked her opinion and she said she approved the marriage. Where else, she asked, will you find such an enormously rich man? But she warned me that he had a wife with four children and would not divorce her. Naturally, I would not be expected to live with her; the man would provide me with my own house and every comfort.
My mother expected an immediate reply but I said nothing. I told her to give me some time to think it over. I returned home, to my friends, my club, my work, my car and other things that I enjoyed. Should I give up these pleasures for an unknown life with a strange man? He lacks the qualities of the charismatic youth of my dreams. Who else, on the other hand, can offer me fleets of cars, mansions and villas, liveried servants and millions of dollars? I am confused, as I want both to retain my freedom and enjoy his wealth. I cannot make a decision. Please help me.”
I replied to the rich and pretty Zahra that I did not know what to tell her. Or, to be precise, I did not want to give her the answer I felt to be right. If she were one of my ordinary readers, I would surely advise her not to let such a chance slip by. In the case of a young girl as rich as Zahra, however, I will say nothing.
