Q. Many people in Muslim countries often have superstitious beliefs, such as not allowing nail clipping at night. They have taken these from their parents, and although some people realize that these are superstitions and have no basis, they still abide by them, mainly in respect to their parents, from whom they learned them. It is noticeable that many elders do not like to be corrected. If we tell them that such beliefs have no basis, they find it hard to accept. Yet there were among the Prophet’s companions some who were older than him and they learned from him and did what he told them. Please comment.
Coolice
A. Let me first of all correct a misconception. It is true that elders find it hard to be corrected by their sons and grandsons, yet we cannot slam a general rule that they do not listen to anyone who is younger than them. They will at least respect a different opinion coming from a person much younger than them if they consider that that person is a real scholar, or that he has been recognized as an authority in his field, or if he presents his views in a proper way that does not confront them with a clear implication of: “You are wrong and I know better; so listen to what I say.” The approach in such a situation is of great importance.
All people find it hard to go against the traditions that have been long established in their community. The Qur’an tells us that all prophets and God’s messengers were met with rejection, on the basis that what they preached contradicted the traditions they learned from their fathers: “And thus it is: whenever, before your time, We sent a messenger to any community, the wealthy among them said: ‘We found our forefathers following this tradition and we are only following in their footsteps.’” (43: 23) This shows that tradition has a stronger hold on man’s mind than even rational conviction. People often do things because they have been well established in society, despite the fact that they are convinced that logical reasoning proves them wrong or even harmful.
In such situations, a careful, relaxed and well-planned approach is needed. The approach should start by trying to establish the proper and reliable sources of knowing what is acceptable in Islam and what is not. When we get our audience to realize that everything pertaining to religion must have a basis either in the Qur’an or in the Sunnah, one begins to question such superstitions by showing the elders that a serious search proves that they have no Islamic basis. Even when we have shown that, we should not expect an immediate change of heart. It is enough that we create some doubt in the recipient’s mind, because this doubt will lead him to further questioning and eventual conviction of the truth. When such a person arrives at the truth in a particular aspect, realizing that contrary tradition in that particular aspect is baseless, he will acknowledge that other traditional beliefs and practices have no basis. The important thing in all this is to know the addressees and their way of thinking, and to tailor our approach to the best way that suits them.
Father-in-Law as Mahram
Q. Can a father-in-law be considered a mahram for his daughter-in-law for Umrah and Haj purposes? Can a daughter-in-law render services to her father-in-law as she does to her own father? If not, then what sort of relation exists between the two?
A. Mahfoos
A. The relation between a man and his daughter-in-law prohibits marriage between them for life, regardless of whether her marriage to his son continues or ends by divorce or by her husband’s death. Therefore, he can serve as a mahram for her during any travel, including that for performing the pilgrimage or the Umrah.
I am not quite sure what the lady reader means by ‘rendering services’. If this means looking after her father-in-law, particularly when he is ill, then surely she can and should. The same is the case if it means doing what he needs at home to be comfortable. While this is not a duty of hers, it is an act of kind treatment, which every daughter-in-law should be encouraged to do.
Having said that, I should add that the Prophet warned against relations between in-laws getting too familiar to the extent that all types of inhibition are shed. This means that Islamic standards of propriety should always be maintained between in-laws, in order not to allow temptation to sway us into doing what is forbidden.
