Q. When I graduated, my parents arranged my engagement but we told the family of my fiancée that this will be a long engagement, taking up to four years until I have finished my higher studies. I met the girl a few times, and we talk on the phone regularly. However, I was in doubt about the permissibility of our action. Recently, my fiancée was told that this is not allowed in Islam, but we continued to talk, in order to know each other better. Please comment.
A. Yaqoob
A. People often restrict themselves unnecessarily, thinking that Islam wants such restrictions, when Islam does not require them. What we need to realize is that Islam wants people to manage their affairs in a clean and decent manner that observes its values of propriety. It is not out to impose restrictions that stifle life affairs. There is a verse in the Qur’an that mentions engagement, but it occurs within the context of speaking to a widow about prospective marriage, when she is still in her waiting period. It allows giving her a hint, even though at the time no discussion of marriage is allowed because of her waiting period. It says: “You will incur no sin if you give a hint of a marriage offer to (widowed) women or keep such an intention to yourselves. God knows that you will entertain such intentions concerning them. Do not, however, plight your troth in secret; but speak only in a decent manner. Furthermore, do not resolve on actually making the marriage tie before the prescribed term (of waiting) has run its course. Know well that God knows what is in your minds, so have fear of Him; and know that God is much-forgiving, forbearing.” (2: 235)
You note here that speaking in a decent manner to a woman is perfectly permissible. What is not allowed is to make secret promises. Everything should be clear in the open, so that the parties’ families and the local community are aware of it. In this way, values of propriety can be observed and no suspicion is aroused. What you are doing is merely to talk on the phone or correspond in letters. As long as your conversation and letters are kept decent, there is no problem with that.
Having said that, I should add a word of advice. Engagement that is carried over such a long time often runs into problems. It is better not to commit oneself so much in advance. As time goes on, people modify their thoughts and change their outlook. What seems to be a good prospective marriage at one time may be viewed differently after two or three years. It is not good for either party to break such engagement after the passage of several years. Therefore, it is always better to start an engagement when one is sure that the marriage could be completed within a reasonable period of time.
Ablution for Reading the Qur’an
Q. I installed the Qur’an on my computer and I try to read in it whenever I have spare time. Does reading the Qur’an from the screen require performing the ablution first?
Nadeem
A. May God reward you well for your intention and action. No, reading the Qur’an does not require performing the ablution as a duty. It is always recommended to perform ablution when one wants to do any type of dhikr, or God’s remembrance, whether it is by glorifying him, supplication, or other forms. Indeed it is recommended, if you can, to have a fresh ablution whenever you invalidate one. Reading the Qur’an is one of the best types of dhikr, therefore, it is recommended to have ablution when reading it. This, however, is not to say that it is a duty. It is no duty, but a preferable situation. Scholars agree that reading the Qur’an from memory requires no ablution. To read it from a screen or a sheet you are not holding is the same. Having said that, a large percentage of scholars are of the view that it is permissible to hold the Qur’an and read it when one has not performed ablution. I concur with this view.
