MAKKAH, 15 June 2007 — With an increasing number of unmarried women in the Kingdom, many eligible brides are resorting to newspaper and Internet classified ads and newly-founded marriage bureaus, which break away from societal and cultural norms, to find husbands.
In addition to the fact that these “new ways” of finding husbands are unconventional, the experiences of many women have been negative.
One such woman is a 35-year-old divorcee called Hind, who visited a marriage bureau after becoming extremely despondent with her marriage situation. “They asked me to give them a description of myself, including the way I look, my weight and even a photo. I submitted all the relevant information to the manager, who proposed to me himself. He already had three wives and still I married him,” she said.
Two-months later, Hind was left divorced without any explanation. “I called his office and was told that he had married and divorced 20 other women in the same way,” she said.
Shaima is another young single Saudi woman who, like Hind, wanted to get married and so contacted a marriage bureau. “They asked me to bring a file with my personal descriptions and contact number. Soon after, I began receiving a series of anonymous telephone calls even though I had never given my number to anyone other than the people at the office,” she said.
“After a while I telephoned the office and asked them to give me back my file saying that I had got married. My experience wasn’t a positive one,” she said.
Some women, who have also resorted to using marriage bureaus, advise women to be careful. Men have a tendency to give inaccurate information about themselves. Haifa is one such woman who later learned that her husband was unemployed and that he had only married her because she had a good job.
“I can’t stand him at all. I stay with him for the sake of my daughter Rawan, who loves him a lot,” she said.
Women are not the only ones to complain about marriage bureaus. Samir, a young Saudi, said he contacted an office looking for a prospective bride no older than 25.
“I was shown a woman, who I liked and then married. She later refused to go to hospital with me. I persisted and we went together. It was there that I realized she was 38-years-old. I’m only 26. I still love her but I want to have children as well,” he said.
Meanwhile, many Saudis view these modern methods of finding prospective marriage partners as improper. Ahmad Talal Al-Badri feels that marriages that come from marriage bureaus, and newspaper and Internet classified ads are doomed to fail.
“Not all the information that they collect is accurate. I got married this way and was divorced within a week. I believe old-fashioned matchmakers can do a better job, especially when you pay them more,” said Al-Badri.
Another young Saudi, who preferred to remain anonymous, said he would leave the job of finding a bride to his family. “I don’t believe that marriages that come from such non-traditional ways are going to be successful. They’re prone to break. They’re based on fake realities and inaccurate information,” he said.
Um Wajud, a famous old-fashioned matchmaker in Jeddah, said she uses modern methods such as an Internet website to find prospective partners for single Saudis.
Sheikh Abdullah Al-Jadan, an Islamic preacher, warned members of the public about resorting to non-traditional ways of finding husbands and wives.
“Marriage is a sacred contract that aims to protect women, men and children. People should find themselves husbands and wives away from these dubious non-conventional places,” he said.
Ilham Al-Qassas, a professor of social sciences at the King Abdul Aziz University, said that many people opt to consult such resources as a last resort. “I think it’s pretty okay to get married in this way. However, it would be nice if there were special female departments that help women rather than male dominated offices,” she said, adding that this would make it easy for women to talk about sensitive issues and ensure women are not exploited.
Al-Qassas believes there are particular causes — such as financial expenses and mammoth dowries — that causes delays in Saudis getting married.
A local social study in July 2002 found that the number of unmarried women in the Kingdom was expected to jump to four million in 2007, compared to 1.5 million in 2002. Large dowries demanded by fathers are believed to be a major cause for the increasing number of unmarried women.
