Then you have those people who when they don’t remember your name say things like, Oh I never forget a face, it’s just that I am not to good with names. Which is a lot of crock really because if you remember the face you should jolly well remember the name. Fact is, name recall is a big thing in social upscaling and those of us who do not remember names are doomed to the middle rungs of ladder, never to be on the center table.
Naturally, since we have no desire to be rude we camouflage our inability to dredge out the right name at the right moment.
Here are some tips so that you might still aspire to a couple of steps higher. If you can’t figure who that is sailing toward you at the next party quell the panic and move resolutely forward, breaking his stride. Grabbing the initiative, say, hello Chief, what a pleasant surprise, you are looking well, you have lost weight. Deflect, that’s the name of the game. Flattery is the best bet. If you don’t want to say Chief, you have a clutch of choices: Boss, Tiger, Champion, Big Boss, Captain, Hero (declasse) Big Shot, Big Man, take your pick. The odds now favor your having even less of an idea what his wife’s name is so use similar strategy. Ask how is the memsahib, the better half (ouch) the Home Minister (double ouch) or with splendid elan, where is that lovely lady of yours. Of course if he doesn’t have one, you are in trouble but if you do drop that clanger you can delete the relationship for good.
Now, you don’t want him to know you haven’t a clue who he is. So never commit yourself through specifics. Pretty silly you would look if you said, how’s the textile business doing? And he said, how the hell should I know I am in the electronics trade. You would never win back territory.
Play it cool. Ask how things are. Things is a wonderful word, it is flexible, it is wide ranging and it covers up for rampant ignorance. If you want to be more with it, sort of help, ask him how tricks are? Don’t know what it means but it makes for great performance. Another good one is, how’s the world treating you? For some reason members of the human race loves answering this question, their vanity reassuring them that you are fascinated by their equation with the world. They will tell you?
If you have to ask about the children but don’t know if he has any, go vague. Ask him how the gang is, the clan, how’s the family, that’s safe. He’ll tell you and all you have to do is keep punching him on the back and saying what a super chap he is...of such delicacy is social conversation made.
Having established a fair amount of goodwill in that he is disarmed by your interest and concern in his welfare you risk the chance of his staying on with you rather than moving on. It would not do to lose out after such a solid foundation.
So you must now build on it by making safe conversation. Ask him where he has been hiding himself. It is such a stupid question but adults love responding. Like they do to another question: been traveling? Amazing, isn’t it, that articulate, intelligent people mumble such inanity?
Finally, be careful of the tripwire. Your wife. Wives have an uncanny ability to suss out when husbands are faking it. And since they derive much pleasure from putting said husband on the spot when you hear wife say, ah there you are, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend, do the only thing you can.
Spill your cold drink and go into profuse burst of apology.
It might work. It might not.
