Other Side of the Mirror: With friends like these
Most of us don’t. We babble on making indiscreet remarks under the thinly disguised belief that we are displaying concern. Actually the standard thrust is a rather unpleasant mix of glee, self preservation and deep insecurity.
Of course, we are friends, most certainly we care and our concerned but nothing like a slice of cheerful malice to liven up the day.
Expatriate lifestyles might bring out a lot of the virtues like stoicness and flexibility and adaptability but they also seem to underscore our inherent pettiness. I am often amazed at the texture of my curiosity and those about me.
For example, I would not dream of asking someone his salary in another environment. Many expats think it is their right to know.
Either they do it indirectly.
So, what do you think his package is?
Some have no objection to go the direct route.
What are they paying you, what is the deal, what do you get as basic?
Since the human race now expends most of its time grumbling and being discontented (just tape a party conversation, it is all one big whining complaint) such information becomes food for social thought.
You know, he’s getting twenty five plus house rent.
Really, I thought it was nearer fifteen, why would they pay so much for him (ah, the talons are being unleashed).
The villa must be worth fifty, even fifty five.
Actually, they got a rebate on it, I heard that, some barter deal.
Probably, that’s why they could afford it, I was wondering ...
Wonder on, people, but it doesn’t stop at rents and paychecks.
It deteriorates alarmingly into private lives, wives, husbands, children, a Chinese firecracker series of did you knows and have you heards, much of it based on half truths and misinformation.
When you think of the sobering fact that these people masquerade as friends and actually believe they have your best interests at heart the whole social entwine becomes a bit farcical.
It would probably be acceptable lubricant for a relatively rootless society that often can’t find enough intellectual stimulation to fill its hours and must feed on other people’s misfortunes but such vicarious enjoyment is often hurtful and puzzling.
I never quite know what to say when a supposed wellwisher is quoted as having a higher and more dramatic degree of knowledge of my life, my work, my plans than I have.
Where did they pick all this up and what gives them the right to spew it forward as it was gospel.
You’d think that certain subjects were taboo especially if they concerned your friends. Like marriages heading for the rocks, reasons for leaving a job, a drop in fortunes, a changed lifestyle, financial situations,a decision to leave for the home country, children, especially children, but for far too many of us these are the major subjects for spicing up a gathering or a phone call.
The danger lies most in the circulation of rumor that somehow gather momentum and whip themselves into ‘fact’ purely because they are doing the rounds. And if there is a fertile imagination involved, what the heck add a bit here and there as embellishment, who is going to identify the author anyway.
You know when we are at our worst.
When guilt kicks in and we make this pathetic little stab at defense.
Maybe, it’s not true, maybe we have it wrong, could be something else.
We get shouted down and then, relieved of the guilt, we join in with much exuberance.
Disclaimer: Views expressed by writers in this section are their own and do not necessarily reflect Arab News' point of view
