I have often written about abused children and wives. It has been gratifying to receive a number of letters and comments thanking me for drawing attention to a situation that needs both public notice and public action to change it. One of the most tragic stories, which I will narrate in a later column, concerns a 16-year-old boy .
Recently, I received a letter from a European woman who had a horrible story to tell, one of torment, deprivation and degradation. How could she cope with a heartless and cruel person who had deserted her and their young children? She and the children are in dire need of help and have been forced to fend for themselves. The sadistic streak in this man has left no room for any kindness or mercy. It seems that all the actions of all the beasts in the world are now concentrated in — and emanating from — this savage man.
Only yesterday, with sadness and pain on his face, a gentleman told me the story of two sisters who are being brutally and cruelly treated by their husbands. Apparently, the gentleman’s daughter got a call from one of the unfortunate women who was seeking help and advice. The first one’s husband has not only abandoned her to go and live with his friends but has also taken their two children out of school. He wants his wife to keep one and he will keep the other. As if the poor children were a table and a chair! The second sister was badly beaten and bruised in front of her children. On seeing his mother being brutalized, the younger child suffered serious trauma and was locked in a cupboard by his father! What savagery! The unfortunate woman was in a state of shock and anguish; she didn’t know what to do or where to turn. I advised the gentleman that she should go to a doctor and get a medical certificate to prove that she had been maltreated. The truth is that I was really upset and depressed as I could be of so little real help. The woman’s father is out of the country and her relatives are few and live far away. It is not surprising that they are in a state of high anxiety and agitation. The gentleman, his wife and I were all sick with helplessness. There should be something we could do but what?
What I know and believe is that enough is enough. Scarcely a day passes without us hearing or reading of violence against women. Sometimes we see for ourselves cases of husbands and former husbands physically and mentally torturing their wives. What of the child who saw his father beating his mother? What effect will that have upon him and his outlook on life and his treatment of his fellow human beings? He and others who have had such experiences may turn out to be future community leaders. What can we expect of them? Is it even right to expect anything of them after such scarring childhood experiences? The horrible thing is that nothing seems to be done about these cases. It is all too common for parents and relatives not to want to get involved. This hesitation and unwillingness only heightens the frenzy of those who commit the heinous acts.
Earlier in a column, I wrote: It is time to act. It is indeed and the need is as urgent as ever. I advocate and support what are known as “safe houses.” In other words, there should be places where these abused women and children could go where they would find safety, tenderness and protection until a solution to their problems could be worked out. While we are considering the problem, let us not forget that this behavior is found at all levels of society. No group or social class is immune to it. Journalists — and particularly women journalists and writers — must focus their attention and that of the public on this issue. The victims should be made aware of their rights and supported and encouraged. They should be made to understand that there is no reason for them to endure such behavior. Religious scholars too have an important role to play. They should make sure that every Muslim knows and understands very clearly that such behavior is completely and utterly forbidden by Islam. Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said: “The best among you is the one who is best to his womenfolk.”
With all this in mind, we must at the same time realize that most people who commit these acts are also in need of help. Perhaps they were once victims themselves; perhaps they, like the unfortunate child, witnessed scenes of domestic violence. They must be counseled and encouraged to seek psychological help so that they can understand and control their unnatural instincts. We as a society must not turn a blind eye to this phenomenon; it is our duty to speak up and help those who need it. We have to do so because, as Muslims, we know that on the Day of Judgment Allah will ask not only what we did but also why we did nothing when we should have. We shall be accountable for what we did and also for what we should have done but didn’t.
