Q. A worker here went home on vacation and learnt that his wife had an extramarital relationship with someone in his absence. He was advised by friends and scholars to divorce her. Accordingly, he wrote her a divorce note and addressed it to her at her parents’ home where she was living. In the meantime, she came to him and he questioned her about her misbehavior, but she declined all knowledge of that. He did not tell her about the divorce note, because he feared that she might go to the police and he would be arrested. He sent the divorce note after he came back to Saudi Arabia. On receiving it, she went to the police and he is now wanted by the police in his home country. If he goes back, he will be arrested, and will remain behind bars until the court has decided the case. What he is worried about is the relationship between them when she came to him after he had written the divorce note. She had not yet received it and was not aware that it would be coming to her. Was this relationship between them sinful?
M. S. Baig
Riyadh
A. First of all, this man should realize that he should not take such a drastic step as divorcing his wife until he is absolutely certain of her misconduct. Apparently he was not, because when she came to him and denied that, he welcomed her to stay with him and to resume their marital relationship. In that period, he was in an indeterminate relationship with her. She stayed with him as his wife, when he had already written a divorce note and dared not send it, or even say to his wife that he was divorcing her. Certainty in this case it was necessary, because doubt could easily lead to injustice. God does not approve injustice to anyone, least of all to those for whose welfare we are responsible. There is something wrong in the situation where this man lives with his wife for a couple of weeks, when he knows that he is intent on divorcing her because of her alleged misconduct.
As to the relationship between them, the man is within his rights if he divorces his wife, even though the law in his country requires the divorce to go through a certain process. However, Islam does not like its followers to fall foul of the law under which they live, provided it gives them their rights. Hence, it would have been better for this man to initiate the divorce according to the law in his country, in order not to expose himself to punishment.
The question now is what relationship the couple have had since the writing of the divorce note. The answer is that, since the man is fully intent on divorcing his wife, the divorce takes effect immediately, and the woman should observe her waiting period once she is aware of it. When she came to him and he accepted her, going back to full marital relationship, this constitutes a reunion or a re-marriage, because it took place within the woman’s waiting period. From that moment, she was back as his wife. However, he sent her the divorce note after leaving India and coming back to Saudi Arabia. This constitutes a second divorce, and she should again observe a waiting period lasting until she has completed her third menstruation after the divorce.
When that point is reached, the divorce process is complete and she is free to marry another man, if she wishes. As this is the second divorce, they could be reunited again in marriage but should they divorce again, that would be final and they cannot be reunited a third time. This means that the relationship between the couple after the first divorce note was not sinful, because it constituted a remarriage. God says in the Qur’an concerning the waiting period of a divorcee: “During this (waiting) period, their husbands are entitled to take them back, if they desire reconciliation.” (2: 228)
