NEW YORK, 4 April 2003 — Among Americans who oppose the war with Iraq, those with family members fighting in the conflict often find themselves isolated in an emotional struggle of their own. Confusion can be the overriding state of mind that emerges when conviction that the war is wrong clashes with a sense of concern for — or pride in — a spouse, parent, child or sibling serving in the armed forces.
The dilemma is sometimes a lonely one, as it draws no comfort from the pro-war sentiments of many “support the troops” groups and sits uncomfortably with the pacifist leanings of the mainstream anti-war lobby. For Melissa Halvorson, a student at the State University of New York, the recent departure of her Marine reservist husband for Kuwait loosed a series of conflicting emotions that have been tough to resolve.
“I keep thinking if I had belief in a just political cause for the war, this would be a lot easier, but there really isn’t any place to turn,” said Halvorson. “It’s a little bit lonely. It would be easier to be waving a flag,” she added. Since the fighting in Iraq actually began, military families voicing opposition to the war have faced the added burden of being branded unpatriotic or unsupportive of the troops.
Such labels are fiercely rejected by Charley Richardson and his wife Nancy Lessin, who co-founded the group “Military Families Speak Out” to give a voice to those who want the war stopped. Richardson, whose 25-year-old son is in the Marine Corps, said many families felt conflicted because of the idea that the only way to support the troops was to support the war. “We disagree with that totally,” Richardson said. “We feel the most supportive thing we can do — indeed the most patriotic thing in terms of doing the best thing for your country — is to stop this war and the policies that led to it.”
Richardson refuses to discuss his son’s reaction to his anti-war activism, saying he can speak only for himself and his wife, and he acknowledges concern that his son might have felt embarrassed or even angry. “The way we address that is we keep in touch with him, and make sure he understands that in opposing the war, we are not opposing him,” he said.
University of North Carolina student Jason Needam, whose father is in the army, rejected Richardson’s argument that it was possible to protest against the war and still be supportive of the military personnel in the Gulf. “It disgusts me how anyone can say that they are showing support for the troops when they are having these protests,” Needam said. “It makes me wonder if anyone realizes what this does to morale when they see this kind of thing on the news.”
Pamela Bates, whose husband Daniel is serving in the 110th Field Artillery, set up a “Hugs To Kuwait” website in January to counter what she saw as an insidious attempt to undermine support for the soldiers deployed to the Middle East. “I’m absolutely proud that my husband would, even in the face of people protesting and speaking out against the military, still ask no questions when it was time to go,” she said.
