Most people know that engagements and marriage proposals are ways of initiating a marital relationship. They are agreements and promises that must be respected by everyone. According to the Qur’an and the Sunnah, the man is obliged to take the first step by expressing his desire to propose to a woman. In this way, the woman’s modesty and dignity are preserved. A woman, according to Islam, can also propose to a man after correctly understanding the details, the condition and the legitimate perspectives of the issue.
When a young man graduates and secures his life with a stable job and a decent income, then quite often under peer pressure or because of nagging relatives, he begins to think seriously of marriage. But he has to make sure of his psychological, mental, financial, health and personal capabilities in terms of marriage. And most of all, he has to recognize how far he can handle marital life with loyalty, dedication and honesty.
The issue of proposal and engagement is very sensitive and can have both negative and positive influence on our families and society. When a man makes up his mind about wanting to marry someone, he should not play games or underestimate the seriousness of the matter. Women are not plastic dolls that can be casually chosen and then cast aside without a legitimate excuse or a reasonable explanation. He has no right to propose, see, meet, agree and then when the engagement becomes official, to withdraw without explaining or just because he simply changed his mind. It doesn’t mean of course that the young man has to force himself into marrying whomever he meets but rejection has to be dealt with in a very sensitive way so as not to damage the woman emotionally. Women are fragile creatures so they have to be treated with respect for their feelings. In some cases, rejection could be so damaging that the woman might lose trust in all men and never think of marriage again.
My message is to all men — please think of the woman as a human being with emotions. Don’t damage her sensitivity because of your mood swings or shallowness. I hear cases of married men who hate rejection, sarcasm and divorce because it brings painful experiences to them. How about those women whom the Prophet, peace upon him, entrusted us with taking care of? Think before you make any irrational decisions, seek God’s help and guidance, and consult others lest you take careless and irrevocable steps.
