US Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff recently warned of a probable spectacular Al-Qaeda attack on the US this summer, based on a “gut feeling.”If gut feelings are no more consigned to the realm of the esoteric or paranormal, and in the event the Homeland Security czar’s prove reliable, then I’m encouraged to sketch out a few of my own concerning the consequences of such an attack.
You’ll be pleased to know that I managed to snatch a brief conversation with my gut between breakfast and lunch.
“Oh glorious loyal and hardworking gut,” I said. “Thank you for efforts in digesting those two honey-laden croissants and tub of low-fat raspberry yogurt but now you are charged with an even higher calling.
“One of your gurgling colleagues warns of another 9/11-type event. The original sparked two invasions, a network of secret prisons, a proliferation of US bases and the introduction of authoritarian laws. What say you might happen this time around?”
After reprimanding me for consuming an exceptionally large plate of brownies and chocolate chip ice-cream late yesterday evening, which caused it to work over-time, my gut turned out to be remarkably well informed; an incredible feat given its hermit-like existence.
Gut, which on further acquaintance I affectionately call Tug, believes any major attack on American soil during the nth hour of the Bush presidency would result in the implementation of emergency law and the postponement of US elections.
Tug says the fear factor would be ratcheted up to such an extent thanks to a system of multicolored flashing lights and the nationalistic 24/7 spiel of Fox News that the American people will once again put their president’s struggle against evil doers in a heroic light. Get thee into northwest Pakistan, they will say. Smoke Bin Laden out of his cave/hut/spider hole.
Stars and Stripes gathering dust in attics will be unfurled; flag pins will once again adorn lapels, and Bush’s approval rating will jump from its current 30 percent lows to heights unprecedented during the past few years.
You see, I was right all along, he will say. America, democracy, our values and our way of life are under threat. Forget the winging Democrats, put your trust in me, your commander in chief, and all will be well. This is a long war but we are in it for the long haul and with Cheney, Laura and Barney on our side we’re certain to win.
Secondly, just as 9/11 was used as one of the pretexts to invade Iraq based on the unproven allegation that the ringleader of the 9/11 terrorists met with an Iraqi government official in Prague, 9/11 Mark II will result in finger-pointing against Iran.
“But Tug,” I interjected. “What possible relationship could Shiite Iran have with an extremist bearded troglodyte, who may or may not be dead, and a media savvy Egyptian doctor-turned-terrorist, who apparently appoints franchisees to carry out nefarious deeds in their name? Isn’t it true that Iran and Al-Qaeda that operates under a faux Sunni Wahhabi banner have always been ideologically at odds?”
After a frustrating lengthy pause Tug spoke. “Sorry, I had to process that cup of tea and biscuit, and by the way it’s time you cut down on the sugar.
“Haven’t you learned anything at all?” said Tug, rather rudely. “The former Iraqi regime had nothing whatsoever to do with 9/11 but if that tragic day had never occurred Iraq wouldn’t have been invaded.
“Take a look at the facts, Heard. The US considers Iran, which happens to be awash with coveted oil, to be a rogue state that materially supports America’s enemies and which could be on the road to developing a nuclear deterrent.
“Second, America’s client state in the region Israel, still smarting from its army’s defeat in Lebanon last year, believes the Iranian government and its allies are bent on wiping it from the map, and vows not to let that happen.
“There have been numerous indications from people in the know that members of the Bush camp, and in particular Dick Cheney, are backing Iranian opposition groups, and would like nothing more than to use tactical nuclear weapons to bomb Iran’s nuclear facilities.
“Yes...yes. I know all that,” I said. “But I still don’t understand why an attack on America might oil that confrontation. Aren’t we talking apples and oranges here?”
“A few more apples and oranges will do you the world of good,” said Tug. “But let’s not talk shop. In case you haven’t noticed, Heard, the American people are sick and tired of wars being waged in their name and especially wars, which show no visible signs of being won any time soon. Those sentiments were rubber-stamped when they voted for a Democratic Congress.
“I’ve heard through the gut vine that over 3,600 of their soldiers have returned home in flag-draped coffins; 500 billion dollars of their taxes have been frittered away, their currency is in free-fall and, according to global surveys, their nation is one of the most feared and disliked on the planet.
“Such a war-weary people anxious to cut their losses and get out of one war isn’t about to enthusiastically jump on the bandwagon of another on the premise of present or future events thousands of miles away.
“However, if the head of Homeland Security’s gut is to be trusted and there is an attack on the US this summer, America will be fearful and out for revenge just as it was post September 2001. The problem then was the recipients of that revenge were not the perpetrators of the crime and they may not be the next time either”.
I’d heard enough. Lunch was on the table and Tug was told its feelings were no longer required. My gut, unlike Chertoff’s, was an inferior organism unworthy of even 15 minutes of fame. It had surely got it wrong. Once bitten, twice shy, as they say. The American people would never fall for the same trick over again...would they?
