I recently happened to see something interesting on a TV program. Actually, it was nothing particularly unusual, but I say it was interesting because it suggested some reflections to my mind. An American actor was awarded a star on the Hollywood Hall of Fame. He was first introduced to the public with words of praise both for his career and for his personality. The actor was beaming with pride, although he joked around saying that he had paid the presenters to say good things about him. His fans were cheering, hugs with his wife and children were exchanged, the atmosphere was celebratory.
I was happy for him, mainly as a human being, because he had achieved a meaningful recognition of his work and skill.
I then started wondering about the importance that “recognition” has in the life of all human beings. Is it indispensable or would it be possible to live happily without ever receiving any?
I ask you now to ask yourself: “How do I feel about this issue?” Do you need to see your successes, or at least your efforts, officially recognized by your family, friends, colleagues? Do you need to be appreciated in the environment you live in? Are words of praise necessary to boost your self- esteem? Think for a moment and “feel” the answer. It will help you to know yourself a little better, to become aware of another facet of the many that compose who you really are.
I personally know someone who constantly needs to be reassured about their physical appearance and someone else who greatly suffers for not being able to have the reasons for their behavior acknowledged. When this need is not met, they are unhappy, they suffer. It seems that the desire for admiration, appreciation and recognition is a natural trait of the human nature. Everyone appears to have it, although at different degrees and, as long as this thirst is quenched, the individual keeps on proceeding on his or her way with enough confidence and self-esteem. If it doesn’t happen, they collapse.
In fact, a big problem arises when they feel they are not granted the laud they believe they deserve. How do they take it? They lose enthusiasm, become apathetical, carry on their tasks only because they can’t avoid them. If they can find a way to escape their responsibilities, they will gladly do it, without any guilt. “My boss never appreciates my work,” they say, and feel justified in not working the whole eight hours they are paid for. They waste time in gossip, extra coffee breaks, on the Internet or on their cell phones.
A woman who never receives a compliment from her husband about her looks, a new dress, a stylish haircut or a tasty meal, will lose interest in taking care of herself or in trying new dishes. A husband whose wife doesn’t seem to acknowledge his extra effort to comply with her wishes and with his attempts to please her will end up becoming almost indifferent toward her.
Aren’t many relationships (not only marriages, also friendships) doomed because there is a lack of acknowledgment of one of the partner’s positive. It is therefore important not only to be intrinsically appreciated but also to “hear” such praise spelled out loud. But, as you expect others to “say” how good you are, you, too, should not forget to express “with words” something kind about others. “You look nice today,” “That was a job well done,” “Thanks for an excellent dinner,” “I appreciate you listening,” “Thank you for your time.”... Is it so difficult to say something of the sort?
A final observation is essential, though. We said that appreciation is an important factor for your well being, and it is indeed. But it should not become an extreme need, something like an obsession. Once you get hooked by the mania of having a star put on your personal Hall of Fame, you will never be happy. Why? Because such need is a bottomless well. It will grow and you will never feel satisfied, you will keep on wanting more and more. Like a billionaire who is always after new deals to make his fortune grow...till when, till where? How much will be enough?
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