For the last two weeks, I have been discussing grief in its many forms and ways to keep it from developing into serious depression that may turn suicidal in some cases. We saw together how grief made Chris turn to food and alcohol for comfort and solace. As for Samir and Najla, they resorted to prayer and spiritual refuge to ease the pain of their loss. Approaches to overcoming grief are individualistic. Each one of us responds differently to happy or sad events. Let us see how to get over grief smoothly.

Unfortunately grief comes with traumatic conditions that lead to self-medicating with such unhealthy foods and substances as sugar, refined carbohydrates, soda and soft beverages, fatty fried fast and processed foods, alcohol, sex and drugs. All of these are toxic and detrimental to the body and brain. Deep sorrow, depression and stress create an emotional impact that makes sugar, carbohydrates, and fatty food, alcohol, or drug a way to pacify the heartbreak.

This kind of abuse (food overconsumption and alcohol) invites weight gain and in no time the person finds himself or herself obese, uninterested in life, and detached from family and friends. Because such persons become so submerged in their destructive sphere, they become unwilling to accept help or change. Obesity leads to health imbalance, dysbiosis, and inflammation, disrupting the brain neurotransmitters (dopamine, serotonin, GABA…) and resulting in mental instability and lower intellectual performance and productivity.

According to Dr. Daniel Amen: “the bigger the body the smaller the brain,” as seen in SPECT (single photon emission computed tomography) results. Obesity affects the memory and slows down mental abilities and responses. This means: the brain physically shrinks in size when the body becomes larger. Fat releases inflammatory substances and disrupts hormonal production and balance, which should be addressed without delay as they destroy mental and physical health.

We need to get rid of grief before it becomes chronic, toxic, and destructive to the brain and body. Grief may be an emotional condition, but it incurs physiological damages. With sorrow or emotional stress, the body goes through changes, affecting the heart, hormonal system, metabolic rate, and every cell in the body and the brain as described earlier. This is one example of the body/mind connection. Your body and head are one entity that is interconnected. Negative emotions influence your body, leading to obesity, cancer, diabetes, heart problems, dementia, and premature death. With emotional devastation, people tend to resort to “toxic food, alcohol, drugs or sex,” which are temporary pacifiers. A recent study indicated that low-grade sadness and little social interaction causes the heart to enlarge.

Suppressed negative emotions and sorrow can result in psychological and physiological deterioration such as social withdrawal, changes in brain chemistry, and depression, followed by neglect in self-care, stress, inflammation, obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and maybe cancer. We know that stress and emotional pressures raise blood sugar, insulin, and cortisol (stress hormone), blood pressure, and more. The body and the brain require emotional relief through a good cry, to release feelings of sorrow to a relative or a friend, or have a good laugh or casual entertainment. Prayer and meditation are helpful in relaxing tension and grief.

Mourning is usually accompanied by physical and emotional stress. It is understandable as it is challenging to adjust to a life without a life-long loved one or companion. Everything around reminds us of him or her, especially our daily patterns. Images appear that make us feel we are going crazy. According Dr. Daniel Amen, it is “your deep limbic system [in the brain], where your emotions of connection and bonding are stored; is going through withdrawal from the person you love as bad as that of any drug withdrawal” symptom. Confusion occurs between the two systems that are the prefrontal cortex, PFC (where decisions are made), and the limbic system (emotional and mood centers), so you may lose your rationality during this period.

It is important to recognize that this is a transitional trying period that should be tackled with positive attitudes and thinking to enable the brain and the body to adapt to the new status. The brain in such a situation plays a major role; therefore it should be managed with care, love, and patience to make adjustments. With the help of a loved one, or supportive family and friends, one should plan a healthy self-care program to hedge oneself against grief and depression. Health neglect is the worst thing that can happen to the bereaved person or partner.

Here is an experience of a grieved acquaintance. When this man lost his only four-year-old son, I tried to comfort him by telling God will reward him with better, but he kept on sobbing like a little child, who lost his mother. It was heart-breaking! He kept saying: ”It hurts! It hurts!” but I insisted with sympathy “You will be rewarded…” A year later, he had a son and again recently he called me to say he had another one. Do you know what he told me with elation, when announcing the arrival of the second son? “God took one and He gave me TWO.” His words made me reflect. There is an Arabic saying that goes, “God burdens, but then He provides the relief.” This is what it is called a positive attitude that stops us from sinking into the abysses of grief.

When the bereaved manage to keep their sorrow under control, it does not mean they have forgotten their lost ones or do not love them enough to continue grieving the rest of their lives. It only means that they have learned to deal with sorrow and heal without leaving wounds open that get infected with depression or dark thoughts. When healing occurs, they become stronger and wiser by their experience. Our Creator has unusual ways of giving and taking (loved ones, health, disabilities, financial losses…) to make us appreciate what we have been given and become grateful for the awarded blessings. When we come out of an experience unscathed, we become more charged with wisdom, learn how to reflect, and become more proactive in helping others as well as ourselves. Like in the case of having a gifted child, many parents of such children become proactive and work hard to help other children and parents in similar situations.

Nobody is saying, we should not mourn a loved one. We need to shed tears. Tears wash out sorrow; relieve negative emotions; and release harmful tensions. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) expressed his deep sadness after the loss of his one-year-old son Ibrahim by saying: “O Ibrahim, the eyes are tearful… the heart is saddened… and we are grieving for your parting.”

Next week I will discuss healthy lifestyles that help relieve grief and get over it.

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N.B.:

Individuals with medical conditions or on medication should consult their physicians when they decide to introduce anything new in their diet even if it is natural.

The previous Health Solutions articles are located at www. arabnews.com

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