I was recently on a flight from Dubai back to Riyadh. I had just settled down comfortably when I felt my seat being shaken up by an abrupt movement coming from somewhere. “Here we go — I thought — The passenger sitting behind me must have a child on his lap who is kicking”. I tried to peek what the situation behind my back was, but I could not see well. I did not want to look too obvious, either. But I had the feeling that no child was there. Then the “kicking” was repeated, and then again. I was starting to get annoyed and even thought about telling the flight attendant to check it out. Looking around, I suddenly realized that the flight had not finished boarding yet and that several passengers were still coming down the aisle, dragging their luggage along and, inevitably, hitting the seats they were passing by. Pushing and shoving was inevitable, due to the narrowness of the space available. A realization dawned on me: the person sitting behind me was totally innocent of the “crime” I had mentally accused him of. I had “condemned” him without any proof or evidence whatsoever. Now, I had been proven wrong to myself!
I have often written on the topic of judging people, situations or — as unlikely as it may sound — even ourselves. We are usually so self-opinionated, so sure of our own ideas that we rarely stop to think about their rightness or fairness. We have a deep-rooted feeling that we know it all, that we cannot make mistakes, that we “do not” make mistakes. At — rarely, though — we are willing to admit our misinterpreting the situation. Other times — more often, alas — we stubbornly insist on stating our position. This is another case where conflict (a “useless” conflict) arises.
Another example of hastily judging someone could be the following. A friend says something that you do not appreciate and that displeases you. But you do not take the time to examine the words you heard, the circumstance in which they were uttered, the mood of the speaker, his (or her) general attitude and intention. There are several possibilities to be taken into consideration before expressing a negative, categorical judgment. Nevertheless, you overlook them.
The same goes for circumstances. Recall a situation that — when it occurred — you did not like at all. Maybe you missed a flight or failed an exam or even did not get the job you wanted or lost the one you had. You got all worked up and cursed the occurrence — only to later realize that what had happened had been for the best. Missing your flight gave you the opportunity to meet someone who later proved to be helpful. Failing an exam pushed you to study more or better. Even the upsetting event of losing a job or not being hired often opens the door to more brilliant opportunities.
At times you may judge even yourself too hastily or incorrectly. Let us say that you did not perform well in a certain task. You may end up scolding yourself, putting yourself down. You may think that you are not smart enough or up to the job, that you are “less” than another. But you are wrong. Your poor performance might have been caused by a temporary “low”: you were tired, overworked, you were worried about a personal problem. It may even be possible that the task was not compatible with your skills. (Here, clearly, there is no “fault” of yours so, next time, delegate!). You do not need to be ashamed and belittle yourself. No-one is perfect, no-one knows it all and, every now and then, we need to be a little humble, acknowledge our “weaknesses”, while being aware of — and thankful for — our “strengths”.
Convince yourself that judgment should be left to the judge in court. You just endeavor to accept people (yourself included) and situations as they are, without attributing them a meaning that they may not have. We cannot deny that some people or circumstances are blatantly negative but, most of the times, this is not the case.
What to do? From now on, “first” give everything and everybody the benefit of the doubt!
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