One of the things I noticed in some cultures is the excessive use of courtesies. Polite words and phrases like “sorry”, “excuse me” and others are common on everyone’s tongue, sometimes too common. Take a look at this guy’s day (let’s call him Robert):
“Bad weather today”, complains co-worker. “Sorry you feel that way, I actually think it’s nice.” Robert responds at 9 a.m.
“My car was scratched today”, another colleague grumbles on the same day. “Sorry to hear that”, Robert commiserates, at 10 a.m.
“Sorry”, apologizes Robert as he arrives to a meeting at 12 p.m.
Robert shoulder bumps someone in the corridor. “Sorry!” at 1 p.m.
At 5 p.m., Robert is chatting with someone at the water cooler. It’s time to leave. “Sorry, gotta run!”
When it’s time to really saying sorry, it just won’t have the same effect. Say Robert meets somebody (on that same day) who’s lost someone close, what’s the most common consolation? “Sorry for your loss.” But Robert has already used “sorry” at least five times during that day alone!
I think the excessive use of positive words drains them of meaning and value. Someone who says “sorry” at least a few times a day doesn’t seem as sincere as someone who says it only on certain occasions.
This doesn’t just apply to “sorry,” but to many other words as well. I’ve always been baffled at the excessive use of “I love you” between people. The word is nice, and love is a noble feeling, but to say it day in and day out saps the life out of it. If you hear a couple who say “I love you” out of habit every day, maybe even several times a day, will that phrase carry the same meaning all the time? No.
On the other hand, rarely saying those words — as is the case in many parts of our society — isn’t a lot better. “Sorry,” for example, can be heard occasionally, usually when there’s something worth apologizing for, but sometimes not enough. “I love you” is usually shown through actions — instead of constantly saying “I love you, dad,” reverence for one’s parents is the usual way of showing that love: Obeying our parents, serving them, getting them what they need, and so on. Love between spouses also follows the same pattern: Providing for the home, driving the wife around for her needs, buying her things, those are more common ways Saudi guys express love for their wives than saying it every single day. “Excuse me,” can be said to someone if we feel there’s a bit of inconveniencing on our parts, and not all the time even. From the viewpoint of someone to whom those words have become second nature, the scarcity of courtesy words in everyday Saudi talk might seem curt or even rude. But we don’t mean it that way.
I’ve not seen many nations who struck a good balance in using social courtesies. It appears people either overdo it or under-do it. Which of the two is better?
