A few years ago, comedian Ricky Gervais produced a TV show in which he interviewed famous comedians who had influenced him. In one painfully awkward episode, he interviewed influential comedian Garry Shandling at the latter’s home, and at one point the host, Shandling, stood up, poured himself some coffee and sat back to continue the interview. Gervais was in disbelief. “So, do I not get one?” Gervais asks. Shandling got up to get him a cup of coffee, as the appalled guest mumbled, “How rude!”
That’s one of the most fascinating things I’ve seen. I could see why Gervais was shocked, especially that I grew up in an Arab and Muslim environment, a culture that reveres hospitality and takes pride in having guests, almost consecrating this ancient tradition. We grew up on stories about how sacred a guest is, how a real man must be as generous and welcoming as possible to any guest, how nothing is too costly when entertaining — indeed, stories abound about even impoverished men sacrificing their last remaining livestock to feed strangers who unexpectedly showed up as guests (turning a guest away is seen as abhorrent).
Generosity is one of the great things I’ve learned from my culture; I aspire to be as generous as I can be. To be sure, I see a lot of great traditions we’ve inherited from our ancestors, and most importantly, the morals of Islam, our primary culture, which enjoins noble things like generosity, philanthropy, politeness, empathy, and so on.
However, our society has a problematic understanding of some of those principles. This is especially relevant now, with worldwide obesity rates increasing, and Saudis consistently ranking as some of the highest in the world in diabetes prevalence. We are eating wrong, sitting long and moving rarely. These cause enormous health problems.
And that’s what I think of when I observe how people apply some of the good customs we have, in a way that turns them into bad ones. Take generosity for example: An overweight person is on a diet and he goes to meet some friends. One of them buys dinner, and when he’s back and distributes the bags filled with fries or rice or burgers, the overweight fellow politely declines, and informs him he’s on a diet. The dinner buyer acts with traditional generosity, and insists the guy eats. “Come on, just this one time! It won’t hurt!”. Yes, it will hurt. Food is extremely tempting to many people, and sometimes one bite is enough to derail your progress. But this is lost on most people, who think it’s an act of generosity to insist that someone who wants to lose weight or eat healthy should eat that unhealthy food. Such is not generosity; it’s harmful.
Another way good traditions turn bad is when people ask others not to get up. This is also a common sight: A father (or mother, aunt, etc.) gets up to get something, like a cell phone or a cup of water, and a son asks them not to get up, offering to go instead and fetch them what they want. This well-meaning man thinks he’s honoring his parents and doing a good deed by being helpful (we think it’s rude to let a parent, older person, guest, etc. go and get something; it’s respectful to get it for them). But in reality he’s hurting them! Sitting long hours is a plague; it causes all sorts of health problems, and causes an earlier death. We already suffer from bad diets and a lack of exercise culture, so combined with sitting this deadly trio is wreaking havoc in our society.
That’s why it’s important to truly understand what things like generosity and honoring one’s parents mean. Those and other great traditions can turn harmful if applied absolutely and without regard to more important matters like health and well-being.
That’s one of the most fascinating things I’ve seen. I could see why Gervais was shocked, especially that I grew up in an Arab and Muslim environment, a culture that reveres hospitality and takes pride in having guests, almost consecrating this ancient tradition. We grew up on stories about how sacred a guest is, how a real man must be as generous and welcoming as possible to any guest, how nothing is too costly when entertaining — indeed, stories abound about even impoverished men sacrificing their last remaining livestock to feed strangers who unexpectedly showed up as guests (turning a guest away is seen as abhorrent).
Generosity is one of the great things I’ve learned from my culture; I aspire to be as generous as I can be. To be sure, I see a lot of great traditions we’ve inherited from our ancestors, and most importantly, the morals of Islam, our primary culture, which enjoins noble things like generosity, philanthropy, politeness, empathy, and so on.
However, our society has a problematic understanding of some of those principles. This is especially relevant now, with worldwide obesity rates increasing, and Saudis consistently ranking as some of the highest in the world in diabetes prevalence. We are eating wrong, sitting long and moving rarely. These cause enormous health problems.
And that’s what I think of when I observe how people apply some of the good customs we have, in a way that turns them into bad ones. Take generosity for example: An overweight person is on a diet and he goes to meet some friends. One of them buys dinner, and when he’s back and distributes the bags filled with fries or rice or burgers, the overweight fellow politely declines, and informs him he’s on a diet. The dinner buyer acts with traditional generosity, and insists the guy eats. “Come on, just this one time! It won’t hurt!”. Yes, it will hurt. Food is extremely tempting to many people, and sometimes one bite is enough to derail your progress. But this is lost on most people, who think it’s an act of generosity to insist that someone who wants to lose weight or eat healthy should eat that unhealthy food. Such is not generosity; it’s harmful.
Another way good traditions turn bad is when people ask others not to get up. This is also a common sight: A father (or mother, aunt, etc.) gets up to get something, like a cell phone or a cup of water, and a son asks them not to get up, offering to go instead and fetch them what they want. This well-meaning man thinks he’s honoring his parents and doing a good deed by being helpful (we think it’s rude to let a parent, older person, guest, etc. go and get something; it’s respectful to get it for them). But in reality he’s hurting them! Sitting long hours is a plague; it causes all sorts of health problems, and causes an earlier death. We already suffer from bad diets and a lack of exercise culture, so combined with sitting this deadly trio is wreaking havoc in our society.
That’s why it’s important to truly understand what things like generosity and honoring one’s parents mean. Those and other great traditions can turn harmful if applied absolutely and without regard to more important matters like health and well-being.
