In the last four weeks, I have been discussing different types of grief, especially when it gets complicated and turns destructive. The person becomes uncooperative and self-negligent, alienating loved ones. You saw how Chris saved herself and her family by becoming self-assertive just in time to regain her husband and their two children back after shutting herself in her own circle of sorrow and desperation and neglecting her health. Salim and Najla tackled their grief differently with acceptance of fate and prayer, which helped them pull through their loss in a healthy manner.
Last week, I went through some of Dr. Daniel Amen’s recommendations like healthy nutrient-dense foods, being physically and mentally active, avoiding harmful substances, exposing the body to sunshine for vitamin D, and taking important supplements (vitamins C, D, and Bs, fish oils). Now I will continue with the others.
• Once our minds are focused on grief, we lose our bearing. We tend to forget to hydrate our bodies; that is to drink water. That does not mean tea, coffee, soda, or sweetened beverages, which are diuretics and negative drinks. Water is needed to nourish cells, neurons, skin, and more. Consumption of large amounts of sugar lead to water loss, much needed fluids from the body, which can be dehydrating to the brain, skin, digestive tract, lymph system, and more. Dehydration puts the body under stress. Water is critical in flushing out toxins from the immune cells and system, thus decreasing the risk of infections and viruses. Water makes the blood more fluid to carry nutrients and oxygen through the body and also to prevent blood clots. Drinking water raises the level of energy and alertness. Besides, the brain is 80 percent water and the body is over 70 percent, so water is an important means of hydration and detoxification.
• It is necessary to keep connected with your social circle. Enjoy your relatives and friends; they care for you and want to help you. Family support helps keep you interested in life.
• Don’t feel guilty to laugh; you are not betraying your loved one by laughing and enjoying yourself. Studies show that laughing boosts the immunity and relieves mental and emotional pressures. It opens a window to blue skies and optimism.
• Another important aspect is to love oneself in order to keep mental stability and prevent losing those around you. Your loved one would have wished to see you happy and healthy.
• We tend to believe that learning stops at youth. This is a faulty belief. The brain, if stimulated, is ready to acquire new information at any age. Neurons increase in numbers and interconnect with new knowledge and stimulation. Acquiring a new skill (art, music, dance, handicraft); learning a new language; doing new workouts; or changing or starting a career or profession makes you grow new brain cells and use different parts of your brain. The saying goes, “Use it or lose it.” New skills not only take you away from the past and stagnant grief, but also make you acquire new friends; lift the mood; discover new horizons, and regain self-esteem. Diversion and keeping mentally and physically busy can come to your rescue and help you return to normal life faster.
• One of the best healers is social or charity work for orphans, invalids, gifted children, etc. Passion, love, giving, and compassion are behaviors that help relieve grief, stress, and depression.
• Being grateful and appreciative of what you have relieves sorrow, depression, and stress. Loving, giving, and helping those around you and those who are in need are good strategies to get you out of the vicious circle of grief, feeling sorry for yourself, and having destructive ANTs (automatic negative thoughts). Beautiful feelings cleanse negative emotions and get rid of pain that is stuck in the brain and heart. Appreciating the loving support around you eliminates stress and bad emotions that come with the loss of a loved one.
• Optimism is another way of closing a chapter and opening a new chapter, which may not have the same amount of sunshine as the old one, but it may contain enough sunshine to brighten the days ahead along with your newly acquired experience, maturity, and wisdom. Think of the qualities that you have gained from your experience like patience, endurance, and strength of character. They can open up new channels for you, of friendships, social connections, creativity, compassion, and charity, things you never had the time to think of or do previously.
According to UCLA (University of California, Los Angeles) study on death and loss, there is something, called “complicated grief.” This kind is a nagging grief that prevents healing, closure, and getting on with life. It stimulates neurons in the reward and pain centers, making the person more attached to sorrow and painful memories. However, those, who are capable of healing and adjusting to the new way of life, shut the destructive activity in these centers.
Complicated grief, according to Dr. Amen, can start with heartbreak and then misery and physical and mental suffering, which give the nagging desire for the lost loved one, robbing the person of la joie de vivre. It also comes with disinterest in life and any type of continuity. Suicidal thoughts or attempts are possible symptoms. Such cases should be addressed medically to prevent clinical depression. Treatment includes taking medical drugs and supplements as well as modifying lifestyle practices to restore normal state of mind and to get on with life.
With normal grief, one experiences yearning for the deceased and has painful memories, but one is able to think of the present and future. Sorrow comes and goes. There are moments of pleasure and good mood. Optimism finds a place to save the person from sadness.
Normal grief for the loss of a lifetime companion is generally distressing. One becomes disinterested in life and its pleasures for a short period and loses the ability to relax or enjoy oneself without self-blame. But, if it prolongs it becomes complicated grief. The latter state should not reach the state of hopelessness, guilt, self-blame, negative self-image, isolation, and suicidal thoughts.
We should be in control of our emotions and not allow them to control us. How to do that is by following the recommendations above. We should also turn situations around to our advantage, benefit from them, and become better persons to our families, communities, society, and to ourselves. We should learn to benefit from our bitter experiences, which make us stronger and more resistant to mental and emotional hardships and teach us endurance and wisdom.
References:
• Use Your Brain to Change Your Age, by Daniel Amen
N.B.:
Individuals with medical conditions or on medication should consult their physicians when they decide to introduce anything new in their diet even if it is natural.
