We mentioned last week that people must observe standards of decency and propriety at home, with their own families. We highlighted some Hadiths that confirm that when a child attains to puberty, he or she must seek permission before entering their parents’ rooms.
Parents should have their privacy respected in their own homes. Therefore, when children become teenagers, they may not invade their parents’ privacy without permission.
However, we also mentioned at the end a Hadith that makes clear that it is not a question of parents and children alone. This Hadith reported by Jabir makes it clear that such permission should be sought before entering a room of one’s son, daughter, mother, siblings and father. The point is that every one could be in a position when he or she does not like to be seen even by the closest of relatives.
This element of privacy is to be respected by all, even by a parent toward his own son or daughter.
Islam sets high standards of decency which it requires its followers to observe. Other communities and cultures may not have the same standards and may find it difficult that such a requirement applies to all close relatives, even when they are living in the same home.
A man asked Abdullah ibn Abbas, the Prophet’s cousin who was a great scholar: “Should I seek permission from my sister?” He said: “Yes.” The man repeated his question adding: “I have two sisters whom I support and provide for. Should I seek permission when entering their place?” Ibn Abbas answered: “Yes. Do you like to see them naked?” He then recited the verse that says: “Believers! At three times of day, let those whom your right hands possess, as well as those from among you who have not yet attained to puberty, ask leave (before intruding on your privacy): before the dawn prayer, and whenever you lay aside your garments in the middle of the day, and after the prayer of nightfall: the three occasions on which your nakedness may be bared.” (24: 58) The man said: “But these are ordered to seek permission only in these three times.” Ibn Abbas read the verse that says: “When the children among you attain to puberty, they should ask leave of you like those before them have been enjoined to ask it.” (24: 59) He then said: “Seeking permission is obligatory.” Ibn Jurayj adds: “It is obligatory to all people.”
We note here that the man putting the question to Ibn Abbas was Ata’ ibn Abu Rabah, a learned scholar in his own right who belonged to the generation succeeding that of the Prophet’s companions. Hence, the questioning should be seen as that of a student wanting to understand the details of the question in hand.
This is why he puts one question after another to cover all aspects. The first question was general, and the answer established that a brother should seek his sister’s permission before entering a room in which she is on her own.
The second question makes a special case when the brother is actually the breadwinner and he is supporting his sisters, providing them with their living. It is as if some people might think that the fact that they support their children or their sisters, then this entitles them to a greater privilege including, perhaps, intruding on their privacy. Ibn Abbas explains to him in very clear terms the point about respecting privacy: “Do you like to see them naked?”
The verse Ibn Abbas quotes establishes the requirement that children who are not yet teenagers should seek permission before entering their parents’ rooms at three different times during the day, when people normally have their rest, or are in bed. As they may be in a position of relaxation, when they are alone or with their spouses only, then no one should enter without permission, except young children.
When Ata’ points out the three periods, Ibn Abbas quotes another verse to emphasize that seeking permission is required of all people.
All this is supported by a Hadith in which the same points are raised about looking after a close relative who lives with one in the same home. Neither point provides grounds for waiving the requirement to seek permission before entry. “A man asked the Prophet: ‘Should I seek permission for entering my mother’s place?’ The Prophet said: ‘Yes.’ The man said: ‘I am living with her in the same house.’ The Prophet said: ‘Obtain permission before entry.’ The man said: ‘I am serving her.’ The Prophet asked him: ‘Do you like to see her naked?’ The man said: ‘No.’ The Prophet said: ‘Then, ask permission before entry.’” (Related by Malik in Al-Muatta’)
We see how the man was pointing aspects that may be taken as grounds for relaxing the requirement. Apparently the man’s mother was unable to look after her needs and her son serves her in different ways to help her with her things. But even then, the Prophet makes it clear that permission was necessary before entry. He points out to him the reason for which such a step is necessary.
It is to avoid any embarrassment that may occur when one enters a room where a relative might be undressed, feeling that his or her privacy is complete.
Indeed, the requirement to seek permission before entry applies in all cases. Abdullah ibn Abbas reports: “A man should ask permission before entering the room of his father, mother, brother or sister.” (Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad)
This is similar to a Hadith which we quoted last week which also included one’s son and daughter. Privacy should be respected in all cases, even when a father or a mother wants to enter his adult son’s or adult daughter’s rooms.
The point is avoiding any embarrassment for the one who enters and the one who is in the room.
In privacy, a person may be in any situation. As people take care to be seen only in a decent situation, then respecting other people’s privacy is essential to save embarrassment and to maintain relations on sound footing.
Arab News Islam 4 April 2003
