There is a funny little story that my father used to tell. I loved it, I've never forgotten it and I often quote it. Here it is.
Two peasant spouses were discussing the best way to cut grain crops.
Husband: "We use a sickle."
Wife: "No, we use scissors."
Husband: "Sickle"
Wife: "Scissors"
They went on this way for quite some time. Finally, the exasperated husband threatened the woman to put her in the nearby water well until she admitted that the right tool was the sickle. But she continued to deny it. So he started lowering her into the well while he kept asking her, "How do you cut the grain?". She kept answering, "With the scissors". Her last reply, while the water was filling her mouth, was, "Scissors... glu...glu". And happily drowned. Cruel husband? Sure! But... talking about stubbornness!
What do you think? Do you know any truly stubborn person? What about you? Do you, too, have a streak of stubbornness in your character? Shall we examine such topic a bit more in detail?
Let us start by asking what “stubbornness” actually means. Here are some definitions: "unreasonably unyielding", "of someone who does not listen to other people's opinions" "referring to someone who always believes he/she is right", "being obstinate". My personal definition is "the need to prove one's point of view at all costs".
A few examples? Easy. A friend of mine - a very intelligent, cultured, kind lady - after thirty years of marriage still believes she can corner her husband in a discussion and make him admit that she is right, at least once. I consider her stubborn and I told her several times. By now she knows that hers is a lost cause. She is smart but her husband is smarter, i.e. he can use words in a way that they will always make him come out as the winner. His rhetoric (the art of effective and persuasive speaking) is too good for her simple, straightforward way of expressing her opinions. Therefore... shouldn't she stop trying to prove her point, after the thousand times she has already failed? But she still keeps trying. Her husband is too eloquent and this is a fact that she should accept. But she does not.
Another example. A few years ago I, myself, got involved in an amicable e-mail debate with my Italian publisher about a certain philosophical topic on which we disagreed. We went on for several months discussing, analyzing, dissecting the subject in every detail, each of us trying to convince the other. I must say that both our argumentations were rather good but, at a certain point, we realized that it was time to stop because none was going to win, i.e. convince the other. I am glad that we avoided sliding into pure stubbornness, and decided to end it there. I remember he even jokingly said: "We should publish this correspondence!" The point is that each of us wanted to prove our perspective on the topic - which resulted as an impossible outcome.
In conclusion, let us ask ourselves, "Is it worth it to be obstinate in attempting to make our interlocutor agree with our opinion"? It might be worth it if there is a logical possibility of "winning" and, most of all, if there is no danger for the discussion to become an argument or, worse, a verbal fight. Unfortunately this is what often happens to some people (and this is what my friend is still failing to understand!). But it seems that they are too “stubborn” (they probably call it “pride”) to acknowledge it and continue living their lives in turmoil and in constant dissatisfaction and disappointment.
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