It all began when I was sitting home the other morning (having had no steady job for five years) reading one of the classified pages of a local paper. In the column “For sale” were several ads wanting to get rid of ‘unwanted’ gifts. I find this very rude and was laughing about it in my typical derisive, anti-human race fashion about bad manners when I spotted this legend:

For sale, cheap two facsimile dragon breathing fire Ming vases, unwanted gift in original wrapping, call 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. on 050-dash dash dash.

That’s funny, I said, didn’t we give similar vases to Nicky and Allyson for their anniversary.

What are you blathering about, said my wife, she of the perpetual charm and wit when it comes to speaking with her husband. Warmth, too.

Vases, I said, those Ming type vases, somebody is selling something similar to the ones we gave Nicky.

They weren’t Ming vases, said my wife, forever stating the obvious, they were fakes.

Yes, but he wouldn’t do that, would he, I said, I mean, you don’t do that to a friend, you don’t label something given with warmth and affection as an ‘unwanted gift’ and bung it in the papers, that’s just not done.

You hated them, said my wife, you never forgave the Munduls for giving it to you and there wasn’t any warmth or affection, just a card from us to them and it was the only thing we had in the house, you know how I hate this recycling of gifts, obviously they didn’t like what we gave them so they must be getting rid of them, makes sense.

Yes, yes, but they didn’t have to set it to music, I mean, they could have passed it on to some of their friends, not try and chisel a buck out of it, what sort of people try to sell a gift.

It may not even be them, said my wife, swinging into practical mode. You think there is fake Ming vase epidemic in town, I said, of course it is them, I refuse to play Squash with him again, how could he do this, the ungrateful sod.

What’s Squash got to do with it, she said, you men have no logic and you can call the number and see if it is really him. I don’t want to know, I said, I’d like to believe my friends are above such grubby deeds, I do not want my illusions shattered.

Call, said my wife, you are becoming boring.

OK, OK, if you want to know, I will, I said, not that I care, hell-ooo, is Nicky there, yes, yes, OK, thank you,

Yes, it is about the vases, yes, and what are you expecting for them, oh...let me think about it, and we’ll get back to you.

Will you believe it, I said, he wants 400 riyals for it, he’s such a sneaky crook, he’s using a colleague’s number and he’s making a buck on something we gave him, this is the man we bar-b-q’d with only last month.

So ask him why, said my wife.

I can’t do that, I can’t ask him why he is selling our vases, they are his to sell or break or do what he wants.

Then why are you getting steamed up, she said, they are no longer yours, he can do what he like with them, even shatter them like your illusions.

Because it is such a horrid thing to do, certain things a man doesn’t do, period, especially if he plays Squash with you. Now every time I backhand him I’ll be thinking of our vases.

They are not our vases, they are his vases.

At which point the Munduls called and my wife said, it is Shubh, she wants to talk to you. I said, hello, you want to know about the vases you gave us, oh, those vases, the Ming type vases, yes lovely pair, very thoughtful of you, no, they fit into the décor perfectly, in fact, just the other day I was telling Ambika how nice they look, one thing about the Munduls, they have great taste in gifts, yes, true, ad in the papers you say, really, haven’t seen it, must be a run on Ming vases, oh you want to see if the ones you gave us have the same pattern, is it that important, no, of course not, welcome, why would we not want to show them to you, any time, this evening, yes, yes, certainly, drop by.

Give me 400 bucks, I said, they are coming to see their gift to us so I know have to buy back the gift we gave to Nick so they can see the gift we gave to them.

See, said my wife, I told you we should always buy new gifts not pass them around.