I love trying to interpret buzzwords. Some years ago it used to be of a more general nature. You would say ‘manpower resource reallocation’ when you were trying to get rid of someone. You never said, you are fired — you said, we are reworking our company priorities. That phrase replaced the old one of ‘trimming the fat’ (nice bit of salt in the wound there) and the even older one of tightening up the ship. Now, jargon has gone technical. Let me share some of my favorites with you.
I love the ones about the “matter is under consideration” and “we will review the situation at an appropriate juncture” or “Your proposal is being processed.” All of them mean the same thing. Don’t call us we’ll call you...except we threw your address away, so sorry. This sort of double talk has now become a qualification for what is known as man management. Have you heard the one about “market forces.” Hear someone use that phrase to just sort of wriggle out of a tight spot. He’s made a mess of things and now has to pass the buck. The board room waits in stunning silence. What better place to whiz it toward than the fluctuation in the market force. We did our best, it is these flipping market forces that ruined it. Every one nods wisely. Words like ‘variable’, ‘human factor’, ‘indeterminate inputs’ are great cop-outs.
“If we weigh the pros and cons,” goes the voice of the fence sitter, ensuring you can’t pin this rap on him. The only decision he ever made was never to make one. Then take his verbose cousins, “It’s difficult to quantify the problem unless we can co-relate all the inputs on an infinite grid.” Nice way of saying he hasn’t a clue how to project the outcome of the scheme and he’s taking out insurance in case he comes a cropper. After which we have the “final analysis” chap who creates so much clutter you can’t figure out what the subject is. “If we have to reach the bottom line we have to make an objective and dispassionate assessment of the ramifications of the fallout in the aftermath of the initiation of phase I, now if you will look at Addenda II appendices 6 clause A: you will I find....”
It is amazing how far such types can go because none of us have the gumption to say, I you are waffling. What we do is we all pretend it is heavy intellectual stuff. Almost as far as I ones who say that to maintain discipline one ! must recognize authority (I snivel and grovel ! with the best of them). And we cannot forget 1 the pep talker. Let’s be realistic he says, come abreast with today’s world, today’s I demands, on the ball, re-orientate our priorities. Sure, it’s gung ho stuff, but what he is actually saying is, we’ve struck out on everything else we’ve done, our idea fell flat, the master plan never got off the ground and so we may as well chuck it all out and .... come up with something new.
Here are some of the most commonly used ploys to camouflage one’s set of complexes and shortcomings. Watch out for them in yourselves and in others.
a) I believe the idea has great merit but I do have certain reservations (I won’t commit myself until the boss has spoken his mind).
b) I don’t want to rock the boat but I am deeply concerned (I love to snitch and I am going to do it again).
c) I don’t mind criticism so far as it is constructive (watch it mister, you’re living dangerously, I like people who agree with me).
d) I know this is not any of my business but... (I intend to make it my business because what I am about to say is designed to make you look bad and me, good).
