Like with keys and ballpoint pens there must also be some special place in the cosmos for misplaced cvs.
Also called bio-datas for reasons that still remain a complete mystery to me these documents underscore the importance of being earnest. As a result thousands of aspirants for jobs toil painfully over the details in what they hope will serve as the perfect vehicle for their capabilities, their qualifications and their antecedents. These are then dispatched to various personnel departments with what are known as covering letters in which the applicant lets it be known that he is in the market and ready to be interviewed, raked over the coals and grilled, baked or fried so far as he gets the job.
In a perfect world cvs would serve as good first base yardsticks for merit. Unfortunately, the world is cruel rather than user-friendly and it doesn't owe you a living. Consequently, most cvs die the same sort of death as roaches and other pests. That means that though you, the candidate are under the fond impression that these credentials are being processed by a squad of in-house intellectuals determined to get the cream of the crop, the odds strongly favor their lying with three hundred other such papers in some neglected cupboard from where they will be consigned to that little black bag after being suitably shredded.
Of course, if you call to ask what is happening to the precious personal testimonial to your worth you will be told it is under scrutiny.
To which there is yet no eloquent or adequate answer except to say, oh thank you, sorry for disturbing you.
The flaw lies not in yourself as much as it does in the way the cv conspiracy has thrived over the 20th century’s latter decades. In the colonial days there was no cv. You either belonged or you stood outside the glass pane looking in but were never invited. The old boys club, the right school, the old network, the family tradition, dad’s old friends, join the bank, the company, of course, excellent connections, that was all there was to it, even if you were a capital cretin, the job was yours.
While only the residue still remains of that gracious and viciously unfair nepotism the average cv still has no chance of winning against these arrangements. And one of the main reasons is because they are badly written and they all sound exactly the same. It doesn't matter whether you are responding to your first job ever or trying for a better on higher up in your career graph. Your cv can devastate your chances if you don’t make it stand out.
Let me just share with you the main pitfalls that destroy the bid even before it has a chance to take off.
First, the covering letter. Don’t plead, beg, cajole or verbally prostate yourself because that is sure to offend the sensibilities of the reader. He is running a profit oriented company not a charity.
Second, avoid being vague and never display despair, agreeing to do ‘anything.’ More people have lost opportunity by offering to do ‘anything’ than for any other reason. If you are ready to do anything as far as the employer is concerned you are good for nothing.
Third, limit the purple prose. People who write things like eminence, or esquire or excellency, or pepper the page with “sirs” or overdo the syrup are unlikely to go further than the first read.
Then, make sure the designation and spelling of the employer’s name are accurate. It is real cheek writing to someone for a job and not even checking out his name.
Finally, the shorter the better, never more than one page.
If that gets read, you’re lucky.
