I am watching the Asian Games field hockey and it strikes me rather forcefully that when a player enters the ‘D’ of the other side he is less inclined to shoot for goal and more intent on hitting a defender’s foot with the ball so he can earn a penalty corner. This is such an absurd rule and so against the spirit of the sport it must be eliminated and a distinction found between a deliberate blocking and an incidental touch of the ball scooped in by the attacker. It is almost laughable as he eyes the stocking then shoves the ball onto the hapless guy. They must be training for it.

That is not the only stupid rule in sport. Has anyone figured out why a bowler is not guilty of a no-ball call if the batsman is not out. But if he is out then there is a ‘rewind’ to the action to see if it was a legitimate ball. You didn’t call it when he bowled it, why now? This defies all logic and also enters the front page of stupid rules in sport.

Take Golf. In 2011, Andrea Kraus, a 50-year-old first time competitor in the USGA Senior Women’s Open was disqualified “because her caddy used a piece of yarn attached to a divot tool to gauge the wind.”Guess you are only allowed to sprinkle a little stardust in the air. And in this hi-tech age isn’t it frightfully outdated to have players signing their scorecards with a pen and confirming their score and even if your partner gets it wrong you are disqualified. If they make any error at all they are out. In what other sport do players keep their own score? It was okay a hundred years ago when you were on an honor system(and the signature was like taking an oath) but now, you are under the camera all the time and everyone knows the lie of the ball (the cam follows it across the sky) the number of shots you took, so why this absurd signing ceremony and that long walk to the clubhouse...it has such a dead man walking feel to it.

Soccer is the world’s most watched sport. No debate. For ninety minutes two teams are at it. Then we add five odd minutes for stoppages and injuries and whatever. Why not just stop the clock when the game has been suspended like they do in basketball. So you get ninety minutes of play, that’s it. Also, perhaps it would be visually more exciting if those offside rules were dissolved in acid. Like in hockey let the players stand where they like...limit it to one as a start. Often the controversial space between an offense and a green signal is wafer thin and you have to go into shadow play to check it out. The time has come, the walrus said...

Perhaps the most hurtful and draconian fiat is in athletics. There you are, at the end of months of gruelling training, on your marks, stressed, taut as a bow and having a multi-million dollar reputation and career in the balance and the slightest early movement and the party is over. Surely, there can be a second chance...ask Usain Bolt. Even in baseball they have three strikes. At least give these athletes a break with two tries... the skies will not fall down nor will athletics be any the worse for it.

Some years back there was move in the tennis fraternity to kill the net service that fell right as a ‘replay.’ It went in the service square, so what if it hit the net. By that token those awful shots that trickle off the net should also not be permitted. They cannot be reached and are seen in net games as a stroke of luck...so why is it a foul on service. This revision should hold good for all games involving nets.

In American college football you have to sit out a play because your helmet falls off. Beat that for nonsense.

Unless, of course, it is the IPL so you can have strategic breaks in a 20 over game so they can pile on the ads on TV...now that isn’t stupid, that’s smart.