It is not easy waiting for something. And when it comes to some kind of an academic examination or test, the clock seems to stop ticking. These days, I am faced with a similar problem. After going through a painstaking process that involved research and writing of thesis, I am waiting for my viva voce. The big day is fast approaching and I am sparing no effort to prepare myself for the exam. It is such a phase in the life of every scholar during which feeling irritated or nervous is considered very natural but I try my best to keep my nerves calm. I believe that unnecessary anxiety does not help. I just keep reminding myself that it is my own work. That it’s my baby, the result of hard work and no one knows my work better than me. I am an expert; therefore, I have no reason to feel jittery or nervous. The problem is that over the time I have become too sensitive about my work and I feel hatred for those who try to point fingers at my work or try to criticize it.
Of course, how could I bear the mere thought of somebody picking on my baby and tell me it needs amendments or it is not perfect. It is difficult for me and only those who have gone through this whole exercise could understand my feelings. Truth be told, we should not be too sensitive about our work. The examiners only criticize it to further polish it and to ensure that our work is of high quality and that we add value to our relevant fields of studies. So I think, I better do away with this childish behavior and accept the fact as a mature person that it is perfectly fine to listen to others even if they don’t agree with our views or work.
In a bid to equip myself in the best possible manner for the exam, I am utilizing all available online resources. I am trying to thoroughly go through relevant literature so as to leave no room for any mistake. The best way to improve one’s thesis, even the final draft, is to go through it critically from an examiner’s perspective. Mock viva exercises are of great help. One should note down important points and frame questions and should try to answer those questions. During this hectic routine, I am surely missing my children who are currently in the Kingdom. The eerie silence in the house sometimes is haunting. I find it strange that I miss their irritating behavior in their absence. Human nature is difficult to understand.
In the absence of my children, I have discovered that quiet morning time does exist. It is possible for someone to wake up in the morning, prepare his/her coffee and enjoy it without getting disturbed my questions like “Mom! Where is my jumper?” or by continuous complaints about one thing or the other. I have also realized that clothes strewn all over the washroom floor are not part of its decor. In fact, tiles do exist. It was also revealed to me that you can go to the supermarket and shop only for food and household items without constantly removing items such DVDs and toys from the cart and hearing objections such as “Mom! We are out of new toys” "Mom, it’s not fair that only you decide what we buy, we live together then we should all decide.” I allowed myself the joy of the quietness for a while but then the feeling of emptiness finally sat in. It is amazing how motherhood changes our perspectives and instead of enjoying silence we start missing the mess our children create. For most mothers, messy house is a sign of life. It is true that we get edgy and angry from the mess but deep inside we love it. It’s just a small price to pay for the joy motherhood brings.
