Memoirs of a Saudi Ph.D. student: OMG no maid? No problem!
Yes here I am, the sophisticated Ph.D. student writing about doing without domestic help after the morning marathon of, “kids put on your clothes now! Finish your breakfast and brush your teeth. Whaaat? You haven’t made your bed? Do it now before school!” Oh and before I go to university, I manage to load the washing machine, stuff crockery and cutlery inside the dishwasher, tidy up, and pour disinfectant in the toilet bowls etc. etc.
To some of you, that might sound like just another ordinary day for any housewife. But look at it from the point of view of someone who experienced domestic life both in the UK (with no full-time maid being the norm) and in Saudi Arabia where having a maid is as necessary as having fresh water. And when maids are not available for any reason, you hear cries of, “Ya Allah! My maid ran away! She left me stranded! How can I manage the house without her, keep everyone happy and keep my job? Who is going to clean, who is going to iron and babysit the kids?” You get the idea.
Yes, back home I was part of that crowd. But honestly, now I don’t miss being part of the agonies and hysteria about maids, the subject, which in Saudi Arabia has to come up in most ladies’ gatherings.
Here in the research lab at Sheffield University, we post grad students (housewives and mothers) are the first to arrive early in the morning and usually leave at the time of our children’s release from school. We go home and start another marathon that is slightly different than the morning one. Minutes within walking into our abode, before I even get a chance to catch my breath, the kids start with: “mama what’s for dinner? I am hunggggery and if food is not ready I will eat sweets!” “whaaat? Don’t you dare eat sweets we are having pasta for dinner!” I respond. “Noooooo! We don’t like red pasta!” comes the swift retort.
It does not sound so appealing after a long day, but we have to go home prepare dinner, then unload the washing machine and then see to other chores while trying to distribute them to the other family members — OK, this is even a harder task than doing chores yourself — but we still have time to enjoy some leisure time. I wonder, why is it easier to live this way here in the UK, with no domestic help and no relatives to help, but nearly impossible in Saudi Arabia?
When I first got here, I thought my life would stop without a full-time maid and that’s what made me decide to bring along my maid to Lancaster in 2008 when I was doing my Masters degree. To my shock and despair, she ran away three weeks after our arrival. For the record, in Western countries you are fine and cool until you get involved with the police. To them we are foreigners with names very hard to pronounce and they don’t have any reasons not to doubt us. In fact, it’s as if it is standard to be suspicious of us non-Brits, and our sophistication and pride don’t matter one bit. Thankfully, the police only left us alone after they found my runaway maid safe and sound in London.
OK non-Saudi readers I know this sounds really posh and oh la la! But seriously, our life style in Saudi Arabia is totally different, and is the main reason why we need full-time maids. First of all, did you know that most houses and building are being built to include a maid’s room? We have large rooms dedicated to entertaining guests, and needless to say, the weather in most areas in Saudi Arabia is very dusty which means if the rooms, even the rarely used ones are not being cleaned on a regular basis, we would need breathing aids. Not only that, but if we are to entertain a few guests, the whole household would be a flurry of activity and panic.
We need to prepare different types of coffee, tea, sweets and savories apart from the dinner, which should be offered with lots of varieties to satisfy all taste buds (but drain our health and strain our budgets). In addition, the presence of children in most sophisticated social events is unacceptable, and if you happen to take your young child to a ladies’ soirée, you would see disapproving looks and whispers. Most families are programmed to have a maid and act accordingly. Which means that if a maid is not present, they need time to get over the shock, adjust and start acting, but before they do, the housewife is practically dying from all the housework and cooking she needs to do, plus go to work, entertain, and carry out endless social obligations on a regular basis. Husbands? Well, most come home after a very long, hard day at work and rarely help out. Isn’t it enough that he has to deal with his job and co-workers?
While in the UK, houses are relatively small and easy to maintain. Supermarkets are full of goods that make cooking much easier and appealing, like ready to use vegetables, and pre prepared meals. Also, the average meal in a normal British household, takes much less preparation time than Arabic food. Social gatherings tend to be much simpler with less varieties of food but more concentration on having a jolly good time rather than the stress of trying to be the best ever hostess. And probably the most Important factor is, for many people (and especially for post grads living on tight budgets), domestic help paid by the hour just costs too much in the UK.
Ironically, the same Saudis who refuse the presence of young children at social gatherings at their homes have a totally different attitude to them in the UK; they tend to bring their children and accept the presence of other people’s children as well. OK, basically because there isn’t a nanny at home to look after them!
However, I have to admit that having someone to help you in endless household chores is a great blessing, but I really hate the fact that we depend on them so much.
I also have to admit that I will probably hire a full time maid when I go back to Saudi Arabia. That’s just the way it is.
@ HatoonKadi
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