Saying it like it is
People who write profound things like editorials or give speeches or address august assemblies have learnt an art form: They can say a lot without saying anything at all.
Over the past thirty years I have been doing considerable research on the subject and have come up with a handy guide on how to be a profound writer.
Who knows, one day you might want to be an educationist, a writer, a politician, a speechmaker, even the author of a bestseller on corporate conduct. Not just that, but in life you only get promoted and earn more money if you are taken seriously.
People are impressed by people they cannot understand so the trick lies in playing the part…and writing and speaking it.
Never make sense, just give the impression that you are making it.
Here is my little signposting to a literal read between the lines.
Weighing the pros and cons and looking at things objectively…
Usually thrown in when the writer has completely lost track of the issue and has absolutely no informed opinion on the matter.
All said and done when one comes down to the nitty gritty…
Haven’t said anything worthwhile yet but it looks like the writer is down there on his knees looking for pearls of wisdom in all that nitty gritty.
‘Nevertheless,’ ‘inasmuchas’ and ‘hithertofor’…
These being terms flung in when the writer is likened to a motorist who has lost his way but won’t admit it, hence the connecting words in the hope that it will bring him back on track.
Past experience has shown exactly what the statistics bear out…
This means nothing at all but it shows the speaker or writer has been doing some serious reading and studying even if he hasn’t a clue what he is talking about. It is time to read the writing on the wall, grasp the nettle and bite the bullet…
Pretty silly anyone would look doing all these things but, for some reason, these cliches make the writer sound convincing and committed, like he means business.
When the chips are down and it is time to make hard decisions…
Notice how the speaker has babbled on exhorting everyone to great awareness and enlightenment without letting on that he could be speaking on the price of hammour, the cricket series or the fallout from the Asian financial crisis with equal felicity.
It is time that people of common ilk, those of right mind, come together and defend a just cause united in our endeavor…
What’s he dribbling on about, no one knows, but it is impressive anyway, everyone in the audience nods wisely (aren’t we all of right mind, sunshine) and readers of quality papers look solemn as their blood stirs along with the morning coffee, this is the clarion call. The fact that the speaker/writer said exactly the same thing 23 times this year on 23 different subjects, doesn’t matter.
It has been said before but it must be said again…
Editorial writers love this line, largely because it is so magnificently useless yet gives the impression of determined forcefulness, like the charge of the light brigade… It is time to call a spade a spade, a time not to mince words but to speak out with forthrightness and candor…
Oh yes, what were you doing all this time, giving us the runaround?
Let us not rush to make hasty conclusions or rash judgments, it is necessary to stand back and put things into their correct perspective…
Here we go, nodding wisely once again and no one says, hello, hello, why have things not been shoved into their proper perspective all this time, now you tell us.
In the ultimate analysis, when all angles have been examined, the bottom line is…
Hurrah, time up, enough words written, one more nonsensical exercise completed.
See, a whole column written without a subject.
Now, that is rare genius on display.
Give or take a few…
