Full time party poopers and spoilsports
There is this whole tribe of them. They live somewhere, someplace unseen and unknown, and all they do is spoil things for the rest of us. I call them the world’s party poopers. These researchers who come up with the corniest studies that no one really wants.
Like this guy who announced recently that golf is dangerous and the tension of playing can trigger a heart attack and you can actually turn green and keel over on the Par 5 seventh. Where does he get off, spouting such unmitigated rubbish? Yet, he gets quoted extensively in the press and suddenly you have scores of golfers saying, shoot, didn’t think one could die with a divot, must slow down and play nine only. No one ever asks these enemies of fun and frolic what gives them the right to make such pronouncements or what profound evidence they have to back up their sinister projections.
A few months ago there was a story that scientists had finally concluded milk was bad for mankind. No other living being drank milk after infancy except man, so logic dictated that adults quaffing gallons of milk were asking for it.
By extension of the same process, dairy products were singularly designed to dispatch you that much more expeditiously to never-never land.
Thanks, guys. For centuries we have been told, milk is it, milk is mandatory, drink your milk, don’t you want to grow up with strong bones and a healthy glow. Of course we do. How now, brown cow, they tell me you’re the reason for my bad shape. I love milk. I love cream. And cheese and I don’t like reading silly little pieces in the papers by mysterious scientists I shall never meet who engineer these gusts of rain on my parade.
Jog, they said, it is good for you. So the whole world went and bought jogging shoes, jogging suits, sweatbands and thereby inspired a whole industry. Now they tell you that jogging is ba-a-a-d, you jog, you go feet up. They did it to tea and coffee. They wouldn’t let you have a little decaf in peace without showing you what it was doing to your system.
Then they did it to meat. All that flesh rotting inside you, how can you eat meat, it clogs your arteries and leaves more deposits than clients in a bank. They conspired in their Bavarian labs or wherever they work out of and sent out the message that salt was a killer. So much for the salt of the earth, you eat salt and your BP was going to gush like an uncapped oil well.
Not to be left behind, another group of party poopers bunged in their conclusions on sugar. You eat sugar, honey, and that’s one ‘sweetheart’ marked for disaster. They have done it to potatoes, they did it to bread. It was the stuff of life, my friends. You eat bread, it gets all gooey and sticky and chokes up your circulatory system. Look what they did to the egg, they made it into a public enemy. It contributed to cholesterol, which was bad for you, unless it was good cholesterol, which was good for you, except how do you know which is which.
Off and on, when they get a little tired of dumping on food they fling you other curves to ruin your mood.
Sleep is bad, people who sleep too much tend to suffer more ailments. You sleep less you work better.
Air conditioning produces allergies. Computer screens set off disorientation and eyestrain. Television makes you a zombie. They didn’t even leave the sun alone. You go sit in the sun, your skin’s going to wrinkle up like a prune and other bad things will happen to you. A tan is bad scene even if it looks good. The sun’s rays, once seen as life-giving, are now split into various impressive sounding components each capable of wreaking exotic revenge.
You ask yourself if all this is bad for you, what’s left that’s good for you. And some science freak does his private experiment and announces: Nothing’s worse than medicine. Thanks, guys. Keep it coming, guess some people can only make a living scaring the world.
