Life seems to be based on competition. This basically means, “I win, you lose” and vice versa. Such definition should not be surprising, as the actual foundation on which our reality is based is duality. Think of any characteristic of any thing on Earth and you will immediately find its opposite: Black and white, day and night, long and short etc. It is therefore inherent to human nature to wish to excel, to surpass or outdo somebody else. This is the feeling that drives you towards wishing to be “better” than another. This desire can be positive if it encourages you to do your best, to improve yourself, to try your capabilities and overcome your limits. Knowing that you can do a little more than you thought you could is a very helpful feeling because it gives you self-confidence and, eventually, self-fulfillment.
On the other hand, such desire can be negative if it pushes you to obsessively try to prove yourself, to want to be more successful, more admired and appreciated than another. Do you feel you have to show how more professional than your colleagues you are? Or more beautiful and elegant than the other ladies in your group? Or more knowledgeable than your friends? If this case, your drive towards “perfection” yields the only result of making you behave in a selfish, self-centered and, sometimes, even arrogant way. If you detect this kind of feelings within yourself, you might try to think a little more about others, i.e. about their actual situation, their emotional state, their skills, their needs. It should not be impossible for you to imagine yourself “walking in their shoes”, to try to understand their problems as if they were your own. The main reason for misunderstandings, quarrels and fights is the fact that people are unable (possibly unwilling?) to admit the possibility of seeing things from a different point of view.
But if you endeavor to do just this, you will learn to perceive the reasons behind the attitudes and behaviors of other people. As long as you start from an “I” only perspective, you will stand like a person with a stiff neck, who can move their head neither left nor right. Only one view is available to their eyes. In such situation, the poor individual does not have a choice, his view is restricted and he ends up missing out on most of the panorama. This is exactly what you do when you refuse to listen to other ways of thinking, when you do not accept explanations or justifications, when you are rigid and unyielding in your opinions. But you always have a choice, so you can decide otherwise, become both more available to listen to what your interlocutor has to say and to share ideas in a friendlier way. You will grow to be less critical and less sarcastic, which you sometimes are. You say you are not? Are you sure? If not critical or sarcastic, maybe a bit inflexible and self-righteous? If you believe it useful to make the effort required, you can turn into a human being who is less prone to be offended or grumble at any tiny provocation. You say you are not? Think about it and be honest with yourself.
In a nutshell, if you really want it, you can change your attitude for the better. But change can take place only after you “understand”, after you acquire “awareness”. The best starting point to become more empathetic towards others is to carefully examine your motivations and gut feelings. Your first question might be: “Does what I am going to do or say now make me feel at ease, or not?”, and “Will what I am going to say or do now be good or bad for another?”. Your inner self will answer and you shall know. Do not expect to hear what you “want” to hear. Although you might be superficially convinced that the harsh remark, criticism or reproach you are going to express is “fair” and you have the right to say it, your inner self will suggest (ever so softly, though) that you could be more lenient, that there is no reason for such harshness or rigidity. Most of all, you need honesty and open mindedness. If you trick yourself, who will be hurt in the end?
