Solace Saudi style

At 5 p.m. a Jeddah household must be ready to receive a steady flow of guests; plenty of identical chairs are lined up in rows, maids are waiting by the door to help ladies with their abayas, waitresses are ready to serve water, coffee and dates, prayer beads and miniature booklets are artfully displayed on the hallway table. The ladies occupy the rows of chairs and a formal dinner will be served around 8:30 p.m. The last hangers-on leave around midnight. Imagine this event going on for three consecutive days. Not only for the women, but an almost identical ceremony is simultaneously going on for the men folk. Ironically, this three-day celebration is anything but. It is in fact a Saudi solace, which is a religious gathering where people come to pay their respects and offer their condolences to the bereaved family.
This ritual can be a heavy financial burden as well as physically exhausting for the grieving family. Imagine the cost of all this especially if they are using a decent catering service. Not to mention the cost of placing an obituary in the local newspaper as some families do.
A positive aspect is, that this three-day ritual does bring people together for a good cause. Indeed, during this difficult time, close relatives rally around to help in whichever way they can to assure that the event runs smoothly. Sometimes they even pitch in financially to help the bereaved shoulder the huge expense, which is commendable in an Islamic society.
Unfortunately some people overstay their welcome, mistakenly believing that the longer they stay, the more love and support they are showing. Many who are not usually closely related to the grieving family just sit around taking up precious space, chatting and catching up with each other, rather than piously contemplating death, the Hereafter, reading verses from the Qur’an and praying for the soul of the deceased. Ideally, according to the teachings of Islam, they should quickly pay their respects and leave after a decent interval.
Of course, ours is not the only culture in the world that has such customs, and in fact in other countries, such as India and Indonesia, the ritual lasts for days longer and are also expensive. The point is though, that this is an entrenched social custom that has evolved into something it should not be, according to the teachings of Islam. Our faith preaches simplicity in all our worldly as well as religious rituals, but sadly, society endeavors to make them complicated, time consuming and costly. These customs have been around for many years, and they vary in details from one region to the next, and they are difficult to change. But in this day and age, isn’t it about time we began to change these complicated, expensive and unpractical customs? Going back to simple rituals, not only would that lessen the burden on the grieving family, but also any money saved can be useful to the deceased’s family. If they are financially comfortable, the money saved can be donated to local charities instead of needlessly squandered.

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