Intimacy between spouses: A sacred relationship

The intimate relationship between spouses is a sacred relationship of the highest meanings of compassion and love. It is a special language between them that provides them with tranquility, security, a means for communication and harmony, and an oasis for to help them bear the burdens of life and its problems. Intimacy has a strong influence in the stability and success of a marriage. For if a couple grow apart, or the relationship between them has become routine and automatic, the process loses all meanings of love and kindness, tranquility and shelter.
Obviously, with the passage of time, and with the increasing burdens and responsibilities of life and pressures of work, the nature of this relationship changes. Unfortunately, there are many wives for whom this relationship becomes a burden and a nightmare, and they find multiple reasons to refrain from having relations with their husbands. One such wife told of how her husband had a sharp foul and lashing tongue, but when he wants her, he treats her gently, assisted with house work, and buys what she likes. Of course she knows the reason for this transformation; because she does not normally receive such treatment but for one purpose only. And at the heat of the moment she just feels unimportant and is just there to satisfy his needs and desires, until she grew to hate this relationship, and wished it would stop.
Another wife says that her husband perpetually insulted her, treats her cruelly in front of her children and her family, and beats her. But then he wants her to comply with his wishes as if nothing had happened. Even now she hates the night as it represents a heavy burden — because it brings her together with her husband, who does not care about her desires, or tiredness or even if she was ill. And if she rejects him, he threatens her with his wrath and therefore God’s anger will befall her.
Sometimes the husband does not ask his wife about what she wants, he does not pay any attention to her feelings and needs, but focuses all his attention on his own. He is selfish, thinking only of himself, and if she dares to whisper to him of her feelings and needs, he may accuse her of imprudence and vulgarity. She also finds multiple reasons for not doing her duty in the marital bed.
However, the total rejection of intimacy can cause significant damage to the marital relationship. It is the conjugal right of the husband and wife equally, but a husband must understand that his wife’s needs are different to his. He must understand that passion as well as careful attention to her feelings and needs will make her happy. On the other hand, the wife should not deny her husband’s conjugal rights for illogical reasons. If he senses her rejection time after time, life will be dominated by harshness, anxiety, and dullness. The more she declines, the wider the gap between them becomes.
The lack of emotional compatibility in the intimate relationship between spouses strongly contributes to the couple’s feeling of not wanting to continue the relationship. It causes them constant tension and makes them both inclined to catch each other’s mistakes no matter how small; tempers flare and they react emotionally for the most trivial reasons, all due to the interchangeable effects of their intimacy or lack of on other aspects of their relationship. The good news is there are many ways one can think about, to remedy the collapse of the relationship before it is too late.