The highly mobile madness

Do you know there was life on the planet before mobile phones? We survived the day. Now, we sit on planes and tell the world we are about to close doors, take off, arrive, get off, what is wrong with us we think we are so needed. We clutch phones like they were shields of glory as we valiantly surge into battle every morning.
The other day a cab came to a halt near where I was standing and four men got out. Each one of them was on a mobile phone and the ludicrousness of it would have made for a great photograph. Think of it, they must have sat in the cab having four way conversations simultaneously. Saving the world? Holding an international financial confab. Not really. Simply engaging in one of the three most common reasons for making mobile phone calls:

To say you are on the way (pointless).
To ask office if anyone had called for you ( largely pointless).
To tell secretary that if someone calls tell them I’ll be back in an hour (utterly pointless).
And you know the funniest part, it is now fashionable not to give your mobile number to people.
Sorry sir, I am not authorized to give you the mobile number.
Then why does he carry it?
And it crossed my mind that as the mobile mania grips us so terribly there should be a code of conduct mandatory for everyone who carries these gizmos around. I call it my twelve commandments.

1: Thou shalt not endanger life on road by juggling steering with one hand while trying to talk through instrument wedged between chin and collarbone as the car sways between lane one and lane two. Stop and call or stay off the road.
2: Thou shalt have the common courtesy of not entering someone’s home and saying excuse me and then dialling numbers off your machine while host and hostess stare dumbly at you. This is the height of bad manners and anyone so insensitive should be struck off the guest list.
3:Thou shalt not carry mobile phone into theater or stadium. If you are that important and can’t be away from your work then you shouldn’t be watching the game or the movie in the first place. Believe me, you are not that indispensable, life will bumble along without you, surprise, surprise.
4: Thou shalt not sit opposite another in restaurant and receive or make calls as the soup goes cold. That is also extreme bad manners especially if the other guy is paying the bill. Why so many reasonably intelligent people engage in this practice beats me.
5:Thou shalt be a lesser idiot than normal and not make calls from an aircraft seat before the doors close because it is offensive to other passengers settling in to have you yelling on your phone...do that before embarking.
6: Thou shalt not carry mobiles into meetings and then disrupt the proceedings by receiving bleeps, pips, vibrations or some ghastly tune from the mobile. Teeteeetetooo to you, too.
7: Thou shalt not march through life visibly carrying mobile phone like a status symbol or a security blanket or a suit of armor or an excuse to escape the situation. Believe me you look stupid when you walk into some place carrying it like a treasure.
8: Thou shalt not, in any gathering, say sshshshhshsh, I have a phone call. If you have a phone call then shshshsh yourself, why should we all have to stop living so you can talk.
9: Thou shalt not bore the pants off others by discussing ad nauseum the merits and demerits of the features on their mobile phones...who cares, why should we find it fascinating, what is it to the world if your 2005 has more memory than the K6000.
10: Thou shalt not enter elevator mid conversation on a mobile phone and then annoy other users by continuing to gab as the lift moves up 54 floors of you nattering. That is rude.
11: Thou shalt not ask other people for their mobiles to make urgent calls, please, just a sec. You want to make a call, use you own phone.
12: One more. Thou shalt not give missed calls. You want to talk make the call.
This list should be printed and given by all mobile phone manufacturers and retailers.