Give up and give in
A time comes when you simply need to give up as well as give in. According to the dictionary, both verbs mean “cease making an effort, admit defeat” which, of course, is absolutely right.
But I perceive a slight difference: While “give up” mainly refers to stop trying (something), “give in” gives you the idea of surrender (to something). Too finicky? Not in my opinion. Anyway, what is my reflection aiming at? It is aiming at the fact that, at a certain point, you become so tired of attempting to fix what is not right in your life that you decide to stop and just go with the flow.
You “allow”. If you are aware (and smart) enough, you understand, you feel, you “know” when such time has arrived, and act accordingly. You will still experience a certain degree of dissatisfaction, but — at least — the turmoil will stop. It can be an acceptable compromise.
Let us give some specific examples. Let us assume that two members of your family do not get along. You suffer seeing them bickering all the time because you love them both. Many times have you tried to interfere while they were fighting, you attempted to make them moderate their language and attitude.
At first it seemed that things were getting better… but not for long! The problem is that “you”, yourself, cannot accept the situation. You do not want war in your own life. You have the right to some peace and feel that, beside suffering in seeing the bickering, you are also depriving yourself of the kind of life that you would like to lead.
What to do? You do not want to give up because you believe that a positive outcome can be reached. You have been told that every problem has a solution, that there is “always” a solution. In the case mentioned, a possibility could be that either you or one (both even better!) member of your family go and live somewhere else. But, most probably, this is not possible (or is it?).
And here comes my reflection. At this point, if you take the situation into serious consideration and realize (actually, you “admit”) that there is nothing you can do and that the conflict cannot be healed, you have to accept the reality of things. You back off from any action or confrontation. You stop being the “pacifier” because your intervention is neither desired nor accepted. Sad, but true.
Another example could be a particular situation with a good friend of yours. He (or she) has the unpleasant habit of always being late. You have an appointment to meet at a certain coffee shop at 5 p.m. and he doesn’t show up before 5:30 or even 5:45.
You highly dislike having to wait for no reason and try to tell him. But, every time, he has an excuse ready: The car didn’t start, he couldn’t find a parking place, his wife or son needed his urgent help, and so on. You know that these excuses are usually fibs so, every time he is late and you are nervously waiting at your table (angrily sipping your cappuccino) you make the firm decision to stop meeting with such an inconsiderate individual.
But you like his company, he is a good guy so… once again do you attempt to persuade him to be punctual. Every time he invariably promises, and every time he breaks his promise. He just can’t help it. There are some people, in fact, who simply cannot be on time. (Believe it or not, there are also other people who cannot be late, ever! But they are very few.) So? If you really like the chap, accept him the way he is. You will never make him change.
Then, decide you course of action. You could bring a newspaper or magazine with you to read while waiting, you could temporarily forget about him and use your phone, check your e-mail or answer messages. You could also decide to start arriving late yourself. But, if you belong to the category above mentioned between brackets, this is an improbable solution!
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